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Weekend At Bernie's


Eric Carmen

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Where to start? How to put this in to words? What an incredible party! Thank you so much for everything Bernie and Kathy! Your daughters are adorable and your house it beautiful. It was so much fun to see you and Gina at the door when I arrived! I love you guys! When Jim, Barb and Al and Denise arrived it was so exciting! Thank you for being there. The party was really started when you arrived! I love the picture of Kathy and Gina's reaction. Bernie, I am getting my pictures ready to send over. Marlene, you are so sweet. I loved hanging out with you. Annie, it was so nice to spend some time talking with you. As far as Dave goes, we can share. Lew, no matter what anybody else says, I like you. I am still thinking about those lobster rolls. Thanks so much Dave. It was great to spend time with old and new friends. Hopefully we will all have the opportunity to get back together again soon!

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Its time someone spoke up and broke the code of silence about the shenanigans that took place at WAB...My friends, this is the story behind the scenes of some things that happened that will only illustrate that this was not necessarily a "love-in"...

The following events are true and were witnessed by yours truly...

When each one of us arrived, we had to spell our screennames to the person who monitored the front door...I assume this was an attempt to keep the illiterate types away(Cartmill, etc.)

When IRA arrived, Bernie misunderstood the spelling and thought it was the "IRS" and quickly ran upstairs to hide all the cash that he has received from his "Marathon Man" and other capatalistic ventures...

LobsterDave conceded to me that he would never waste REAL lobster on this crew...

Darlene had to convince Bernie to let her bring in her lemonade(He had Kool-Aid and Cyanide ready for the cult members)...

BeatleJays wife did an impromptu table dancing performance in his honor...She, I assume, is much more attractive than he and made me think of two things

1. Why didnt I bring dollar bills...

2. She is so skinny, why did she waste money on a plane ticket, she could have faxed herself over...

Naked Twister DID happen...But the game got off to a delayed start as no one would play once Tommy Tunes arrived with his shorts on...

Speaking of TT, the live "Name That Tune" came to an abrupt halt, when an embarrased Jim Bonfanti couldn't place the opening drum roll on "I Wanna Be With You"...

Ira(who would only drink the new Jewish beer called "HeBrew") back pedalled into the pool...

The sight of Kathy running at full tilt to the grill after Bernie declared "I'm hungry bitch" was a little too disturbing to see...

I spotted the following situations with Bernie's children...Their oldest child was asking the parents if this nonsense was ever gonna end while the youngest was doing shots of Pedialyte...(Kathy's aunt was drinking vodka and prune juice)...

The following announcements were made...

Bernie proclaimed that he was indeed going to start a new religion-"The Church of the Latter Day Raspberries" which prompted Jim to get up and leave...

"Hungryeyes" confimed to a startled crowd that she indeed, was carrying Lew's baby...This caused IRA to backpedal into the pool again ...Needless to say this annoncement will put a damper on the Dianed/Lew wedding announcement...(My comments on that debacle will appear at another time as they are throwing me out of the library for over extending my computer time)...

BERNIE..."It's midnight...Are these freeloaders ever gonna leave"?...

AnnieK took off her shirt and was swinging it over her head during the "Electric Slide"...(She said that it slid right off. Wasnt that the intention of the song?)

At one time or another, every girl there was hitting on me...Kathy's Aunt thought that I was cuter than her first boyfriend(John The Baptist)... Kathy, was calling me by my nickname(Tripod) and Denise was calling me "Fresh Meat"(Hey after 23 years of Al, Millard Fillmore would look supple)...The only chick that didnt throw herself at me was Jim's wife Barb...I went over to her and started to lay my romantic rap on her but she seemed unmoved by it all...Thats when it hit me that she was probably deaf from living with that drumming racket all those years...There you have it...The REAL behind the scene story...Glad to have been able to balance all the "Woodstock" feelings that everyone else portrayed...

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June, you could have brought the monkey...Lew was allowed in, for crissakes....

hahahahahahahaha

Lew that was a pisser of a post!

And I deliberately use the word "pisser" because I will be posting the picture of you doing just that into the pool...

JUST KIDDING KATHY!!!!!!!!

Can someone please use Photoshop and create a picture of Darlene with Al's body and Denis leary's head?????

Eric, the caption contest hasn't STARTED yet!! No cheating!!!!

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Lew,

Now that's reporting! Thanks for the no-holds-barred account. I laughed all the way through it... Great scene-setting---I wasn't even there, and I could picture all of it in my mind. (Except the naked Twister bit, of course.)

--LC

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I am surprised the cops didnt bust in and shut down WAB4. It sounds like there were at least a half dozen people who had broke some type of New Jersey law. I think Naked Twister is only allowed in Newark for one thing. I am hoping that some indie film company releases WAB4 soon but ofcourse, and according to Lew's report, it wont be receiving a PG-13. I hope that someone took a moment of silence to commemorate and toast Thomas Edison in the middle of the party. I am sure he formed Edison Lighthouse not to far from the site of the party.

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The real highlight for me was the expression on Bernie's face when I told him that Kathy called New Zealand on her phone and the phone had been circulating for quite a while as Muzza said Hello to everyone and anyone that would get on ...I smell another E-bay auction in the works to cover the cost of that phone bill!

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