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Hello officer, I was invited to a party and it seems I have been captured by a group of Internet stalkers...

can you please send a police car over.

I have been trying to leave for the last three hours... they have been all over me, and are now forcing me to sing H E L P!!!!

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Hello...Amway?Hi,this is Eric Carmen,member #7734. Please tell my team leader I've got the pigeons,er,I mean the prospects grouped together.Which membership level are we pushing this month?

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yeah, yeah, it's the damnest thing...I'm drivin' around...lost as usual...and I see all these people havin' a party. I stop to ask for directions and they're all over me...think I'm Eric somebody. I think it's a case of desperate wishin' and standing out in the sun too long. Anyway, they're treatin' me like a king!!! Food, drink, huggin' me, taking pictures of me, wantin' pictures of themselves with me, singin' Happy Birthday to me...some of the ladies have groped me...heck...some of the guys have groped me!!! This guy must be somethin' special. I'm having such a great time, I've forgotten where I was trying to go...doesn't matter...it can't be as great as this place. I'm gonna stay here and ride this out as long as I can. I hope the real guy doesn't show up and blow this for me. OK, here's the problem...they're wanting me to do this karaoke crap...now you know how that kills a party...and you know I can't sing. I've been makin' excuses...gotta meet everybody first...gotta eat...gotta pose for more pictures...more handshakes and hugs...I even told them I gotta sore throat but they won't take no for an answer...I don't think I can hold them off much longer. Tell me what you think of my plan...I've been scoutin' the crowd for the person with the worst voice here. When I find that person, I'm gonna ask them to sing with me...their singin' will be so bad nobody will notice mine. Whadda ya think...great plan, huh?

OK...I'm listenin'

Yeah...yeah, there's a bunch of them here...yeah, yeah...that makes sense...OK, I like your plan better...I'll find the hottest woman here and ask her to sing with me...everybody will be lookin' at her instead of me. Thanks, buddy.

I'm gonna go and suck up some more of this royal treatment. Man, that Eric guy is one lucky dude...I wonder if he knows it...I just hope he doesn't show up...I could get used to this...

Uh oh...I can't hold 'em off any longer...I'm gonna hafta sing...HEY...I know that song...this won't be so bad...

Hey, Hot Stuff...wanna sing with me?

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