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LewsLetter-May 2021 edition...


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Sorry for the tardiness of this LewsLetter, but it has taken me a couple of weeks to recover from exhaustion...You see, I  was invited to the White House for the annual Cinco de Mayo celebration(as a columnist for the LewsLetter, I get a PRESS PASS for the event)...After the event was over, the big East Coast gasoline pipeline was sabatoged and with the resulting gasoline shortage, I had to walk back to Connecticut from Washington D.C...As an aside, if you believe that someone can sabotage the gas pipeline, but not voting booths, than you deserve Biden as your President...

Anyway, on to the celebration...The President had a great time...He got into the spirit when he volunteered to be hoisted, naked, into a tree, suspended by a rope, and imitated a human piñata...As the Mexican children whacked his “dos pelotas” with sticks, Biden was laughing hysterically...After he was taken down, he was asked why he was laughing so hard, he replied that the joke was on the kids...”I knew no matter how hard they hit my fruit basket, no candy or toys were gonna come out of there”...

Biden had such a great time that he thought that Cinco de Mayo should be a yearly event...When told that it already was, he suggested moving it to a Monday for a three day celebration...His staff explained to him that Cinco de Mayo meant “5th of May” and that is when the holiday was celebrated each year...Biden thought for a minute and said, “ why limit it to mayo”?...Why not Cinco de ketchup, Cinco de Coleslaw or Cinco de Dipstick” which threw everybody for a curve...

Then Biden was brought inside where one of his staffers put up two photographs on his iPad...

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”Mr. President, we may have a problem...Back in the 1980’s, there was a WWE wrestler called “Kamala”...His real name was Ed Harris...Our vice- president’s name is Kamala Harris...He may, in actuality, be her father...When shown the pictures, Biden asked “Which one is she?”

After he was told which was the V.P., he asked what  the problem was...His staff told him that the wrestler was born in Uganda and it may very well be that his daughter was born there too...No foreign born person can be Vice President, to which Biden explained, “No...we are ok...She was born in Jamaica”...When he was reminded that Jamaica was not part of the U.S., the Pres.asked “When did they move it”?...”Anyway, he continued,” Barack was born in Kenya...Americans can easily be deceived...”

 

On the EC front, his comeback mentioned in last month’s newsletter is in full swing...Eric has realized that his backing of Pres. Trump has resulted in some career damage...He is setting out to change all that...He is going on tour and emphasizing that he would play anywhere that would have him and wanted the tour to be a “damage control” and “ politically correct” escapade..

Here are the tour stops...

June 14th...Philadelphia Convention Center...Daughters of the American Revolution Yearly Festival... (Unfortunately, this concert may be cancelled for a number of reasons, mainly because there are no DAR members living...If there were, they would be 255 years old and yelling “turn it down”...Plus, they might have trouble getting their walkers through the metal detectors...)

June 15th...Baltimore Arena...The National Lactose Intolerance Meeting...(Eric’s performance here may be in jeopardy because the lactose intolerance people are furious with the singer’s connection to Bernie(Got milk) Hogya...

June 20th...San Francisco Cow Palace...The Association of Lesbian and Gay Dentists.....(This event is at a stalemate as the festival organizers insist that Eric use the house band instead of his trusty Overdubs..The LBGQT community wants their own band, a local act called “The Bi-Cuspids”...

June 23...Milwaukee VFW...In honor of Polish War Heroes...(no tickets have been sold yet as the sponsors can’t think of anybody to honor...)

June 25...New York City...Billed as a TRIBUTE TO LOVERS...All lovers are invited to attend...The security force will be on high alert that night as it has been brought to organizers attention that there are many different kinds of love...for example; the love between a man and a woman, a parent for their child, a man for his dog or between two head waiters...

As of now, the only confirmed dates that are going on without a hitch...
 

3rd annual Ricketts convention, in Boston’s Fleet Center, June 26th...

June 29th...Las Vegas...This will be a special concert to honor all deaf people...All patrons will wear earmuffs(in the same vein that blind people wear sunglasses) and Eric will perform with the use of hand puppets...

 

Eric has agreed to let the convention organizers of these events have final say over his set list...But there are some issues...

Eric has been instructed to change the lyrics to his song LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS”...The new lyrics must be “BLACK LIVES IS ALL THAT MATTERS”...

MY GIRL must be changed to Guy/Girl...

CHANGE OF HEART  must be  altered to CHANGE OF CLIMATE...

ALL BY MYSELF will be reworded to ALL BI MYSELF

And MARATHON MAN must be reworked as MARATHON INDIVIDUAL...

We’ll let all of you know what develops...

And how was your month...?

 

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Ok, I can´t resist:

She did it....changed to "They did it". (Eric is getting ahead of the game before all songs mentioning he, she, Uncle, Aunt, Mom, Dad etc etc etc etc are banned as was done in the House of Reps).

Fortunately "On Broadway" was not on the set list, because it uses the word "Broad", which could refer disparagingly to a female, so it has been banned to protect the dignity of the female, but we´re not allowed to refer to a human as female, so.....what was the question?

This just in: RE: "Marathon Individual"....there has been a compromise made between Eric and the organizers: He will be allowed to introduce the song as "Marathon Toxic Man".




 

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36 minutes ago, James said:

..oh, and "Hungry Eyes" will not be allowed by any of the organizers. They say the title of the song ....engages in cultural appropriation of the poorest areas of the world.

 

Would "Hungary Eyes" be acceptable? :P

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