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August LEWSLETTER


Lew Bundles

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AUGUST LEWSLETTER...

 

Sorry for the late delivery on this, but we had to wait until I got the okay from Eric to release this, but here's the news that we've been waiting for...ERIC IS RECORDING A NEW CD...

It is an album similar to the stuff Weird Al Yankovic does AND material that is age sensitive/relatable to his fan base.but autobiographical in nature, and I've got a preview of some of the tunes and/or their titles...

 

The first song will be a parody of the old Mary MacGregor song, "Torn Between Two Drummers",,

 

"Torn between two drummers,

Feeling like a fool, 

Jim Bonfanti’s my old friend,

But Mike McBride is cool"...

 

The next two songs are both tributes to Leo sayer and EC would only tell me the titles: 

 

The 1st of the Sayer songs is a somber ode to a physical altercation that Eric had with Wally called "When I Kneed You".

 

The 2nd Sayer number was written for a visit to his doctor for a colonoscopy called, "You Make Me Feel Like Depantsing"...

And some updated rewrites of some Berries’ and solo stuff that are relevant to his fan base...

TUNES INCLUDE...

GOITER ALL THE WAY

I WANNA PEE WITH YOU which combines with (medley style) THE WAY WE USED TO PEE...

OVERNIGHT OBSERVATION(Want a pacemaker, yea...) which includes the lyrics...

”well, I know it’s not funny,

I don’t care about the money too,

I don’t need no medication,

Dont have no gallstones or the flu. 

I just need a pace maker,(yea)”...In my opinion, really beautiful lyrics...

 

HARD TO GET OVER A HEART ATTACK

WHERE’S MY ROCKER

NO HARD FEELINGS( no rewrite necessary)

DRIVIN’ AROUND (with my turn signal on)

I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT(for lunch)

DROOLING ON MYSELF

I CANT REMEMBER

LOST IN THE SHUFFLEBOARD

And The CD closes with Eric’s last new recording and his ode to facelifts and Botox,

BRAND NEW REAR...

 

ODDS AND ENDS DEPT.

 

Now that the revamped "Dallas" tv series has run its course and deemed a success, the re-booting of another old series starring Clive Davis is being considered..."Touched By An A**Hole.

 

After a recent show in Cleveland the other nite, Jim Bonfanti was photgraphed backstage with the Def Leppard drummer...One and a half of the most rockinist guys ever...

 

Speaking of Jim, his wife Barb is fronting a new all female rock band and she will going by her maiden name "Wired"..

 

WOW... I saw a picture of Ira recently and he looks great...

I called to ask him how he lost so much weight and he was willing to share the secret...It seems that it is an old Jewish diet and it goes like this...(I’ve posted this before but Ira swears it really works so I am posting it again...)

 

For the first course: A nice fish salad with a bed of lettuce and ample toppings of "gefilte" and "yom kippers"...

 

The main course consists of 4 oz. of Gaza Strip sirloin...

 

Wash this all down with a bottle of Jewish Beer "He-Brew" or a cup of green tea, "Cream with two mishuggena's(or however the heck you spell it)...

 

If that's not enough, you can have your choice of desserts, either "Hot Apple Passover " or three pieces of "Mazel-Toffee".

And a glass of Bobby V-8 juice...

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Finally, If Eric goes on the road again, he is considering one of two opening acts...He will let fans vote for the group that should get the honors:

Bernie and the Folding Forum..(Bernie will not be singing but will stand at the microphone and give us reasons why he will pull the plug...)...Bernie wont sing due to the harsh criticisms his last karaoke performance of the Lionel Ritchie hit ”SAY YOU, SAY ME, SAYERVILLE” received...

 

JAMES AND HIS HAREM...(James will not be singing either, but instead, will be reading his defense testimony as Panamanian Police have found some underage 19 year old girls in his collection...(In America, 19 is older than 18, therefore , acceptable...but in a backwards country,like Panama, 19 is considered younger than 18...)...

AND HOW WAS YOUR MONTH...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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Great one Lew!....I was nervous we wouldn´t have an August issue, but I am now relieved, AND entertained!

Speaking of Panamá, and chicks and stuff, I live on the beach, have a 5th floor condo. It´s been great, not least because of the more diverse nature of the James Harem....... that has resulted......... because of some mermaids............ that have jumped from the Pacific Ocean .........up to my balcony!!! It´s true. It´s pretty great, mostly,..... but their flapping around can be pretty noisy......and does result in complaints from my neighbors, but oh well. 

Anyway, very athletic are these mermaids.  A couple of them are over 19, but their "athleticism" got them into the James Harem on a new athletic chick scholarship we have introduced at The James Harem. Nobody can now say the James Harem is not a paragon of diversity. What other harem can say it has mermaids as members? 

Anyway, my new mermaid members have inspired a new poem. I´ll share it with you guys. It´s pretty good. 

Here it is:

Rose are red,
Once you go fin,
Land chicks become has-beens.

James, 2019

 

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