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Birth order


paperdoll82

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Ah, Mary Ellen, but you forget --- you are also a first born daughter (even if no other daughters came after you).

 

I am second born child in a family with 4 boys and 1 girl --- I am also the first born daughter, like you, Mary Ellen.

 

I have three daughters, but the most interesting position to be in is my third daughter.

 

My third daughter is the baby sister of her two other older half sisters by me and my first hubby.  When the second hubby divorced me, he took primary custody of my third daughter, then with the woman he married had two more daughters that are also half sisters to my third daughter --- but wait!!!!  There's more !   My third daughter is now in a most unique position.

 

Third daughter is a baby sister to her first two sisters by me, then she is an oldest daughter for two younger sisters by ex-hubby.  So all together now, she is also a middle child in between my older girls and her father's other two younger daughters.

 

My third daughter's birth position is technically YOUNGEST CHILD, OLDEST CHILD, and MIDDLE CHILD in that order.  How's that for some confusion amongst her siblings?!   :lol:   ( When anyone asks her what is unique about her, she tells them about her "birth order" positions. )

 

AnneNR

 

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First born daughter and baby of the family, Mary Ellen.  Two birth positions simultaneously. HA!!!  Double your pressure, or double your fun --- you have two positions that have been affecting your life.  :D  It gets really convoluted when you have half siblings and step families!

 

AnneNR

 

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I am the 4th child of five - 2 older brothers, 1 older sister, and 1 younger sister!

 

You are a middle child between the girls in your family . . . have you ever felt like you're the "Jan Brady" in the bunch?!   :P 

 

I'm not certain what the fourth in the main lineup designation means.  Some author who has written about the effects of birth order might be able to go into more detail.  I am mostly familiar with first, middle and last (or the baby of the family) positions.

 

AnneNR

 

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That could be a good argument for how birth order could become in effect, defunct, because of the changing circumstances of actual living siblings to consider and interact with.

 

From what I understand, and have seen from a few programs where the speaker has authored a book on the subject in connection with the author's studies, birth order primarily affects us during our formative years until we reach adulthood.  Some things may continue to carry over as far as how we are perceived by our relatives and family members, or may become less of an influence as we develop as individuals. 

 

My family dynamic was such that much importance was placed on the first born son (my older brother).  Paternal grandfather and my father demonstrated the "number one son" pride in my older brother to the point, I believe, that it skewed my brother's self-esteem and sense of entitlement into an exaggerated sense of his own importance in the family and above his other siblings.  My grandfather and father were more of the outdoorsy and mechanically inclined type, and my older brother was not.  The fourth child in the lineup (third son) got those gifts, not "number one son" which caused some competitive obstinacy from my oldest brother trying to be what my father's idea of him was supposed to be.  My brother, by his own choices in life and unrealistic expectations of both my father and grandfather has produced one truly messed up individual whom I choose to have no contact with after decades of his lies, laziness, inflated ego, bullying, and the self-entitlement delusional justifications from him.

 

My youngest brother (number five in the lineup) was treated like the proverbial "baby of the family".  At some point baby brother recognized some things about his brothers and himself, and decided he needed a better kind of discipline and entered the army before he could graduate from high school.  He was the last that could do it the way he did back then ---sign up and finish school within the military with average grades.  From what I understand, the military just doesn't let anyone go in, nowadays they look more for the smarter kids in high school and try to cherry pick the better ones doing "A" and high "B" grades in their studies.

 

Me being the oldest daughter and second child, I got second-fiddle treatment with my father because of "number one son" pride in my older brother.  I remember my brother was inept dealing with horses when my father owned 5 of them and kept them boarded up on my Godfather's ranch on the hillside above our city.  Oldest brother was taken on "Overnight Rides" that started on Saturday and lasted through to a late Sunday morning breakfast at the end, all on horseback in various locations up in the hillside.  I knew how to handle a horse better, enjoyed taking care of them from shoveling out the paddocks and stalls, to watering them, bathing them once in awhile, brushing them, picking out rocks and muck from the frogs of their hooves, down to properly saddling and bridling them.  Oldest brother could care less, all he cared about was just being able to mount the horse and jerk the reins around trying to get the horse to take him where he wanted to go.  But who got to go on the Overnight Ride?  "Number One Son", of course.  This was something my brother was expected to excel at because my father did, but was never the case.  I was told I had to go to church on Sunday mornings with my mother and other brothers --- but why does older brother get excused from attending?   Because he was older? --- I was only 2 years younger AND handled a horse better!   Much later in life the other younger brothers and I figured out it was because my father was trying to make my oldest brother into what my father expected him to be.  My older brother was ultimately a disgraceful disappointment to my father.

 

Birth Order --complicated by gender sometimes-- can certainly play into how a person develops into a human being over time and beyond the formative years.   The smarter people look back to figure out some of this stuff and try to change things to alter any detrimental effects the negative expectations and interactions had on them, and try not to repeat it with their own children.

 

When there are no more siblings left to be considered or interacted with, the one sole remaining sibling could feasibly end up being treated more valuable, similar to how some "Only Child"s are treated.  It is an interesting idea to disable your birth order treatment later in life to a different birth order parameter via the means you described Mary Ellen.  Intriguing, though I wouldn't recommend that anyone bump off their other siblings to attain such a thing as you acquired through un-nefarious happenstance!! :lol:

 

AnneNR

 

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Ok...., I have two older Brothers, Mom lost four in miscarriages, God rest their souls, one older Sister, then there's me....., then one younger Brother.  My oldest Brother left home when I was about four, then Dad passed away, leaving Mom with the responsibility of the rest of us. 2nd oldest Brother passed away in 2004 from cancer, he had an inoperate able tumor, which spread very quickly. Sister...., well, we won't EVEN discuss her, and younger Brother, I won't discuss either...., since he got the family home, and sucked that right up his nose (I think you understand my meaning).  So, all I have left is my Oldest Brother.  But, I have all of you, which you are my family!!  I'm sorry I said too much already, but I feel I can talk to you all!!!  MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!!  LOVE YOU ALL!!

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Hey, CAcater ---

 

Believe you me, I UNDERSTAND some of that ..... um, upset (?) with siblings ..... um, "misbehaving" (broad stroke here, work with me  :P ).

 

Oldest brother, third and fourth brother, all messed around with drugs.  Third brother (fourth child in the lineup) later confessed that there were weird things he did so mom wouldn't find out he was doing drugs --- like sit up on the roof of the garage portion of the house near the two large solar energy boxes snorting stuff.  The police and fire departments in the city knew my older brother and eventually the other three as well on sight.

 

They lit our German Shepherd's doghouse on fire; Oldest Brother had thugs follow him back to our front yard where the chasers started a knife fight with him as my father called the cops out; Second Brother ran away from home to the roof of our local high school to hide out unsuccessfully;  two youngest brothers shoplifted the corner 7-11 store off and on getting caught several times;  Oldest Brother stole a can of Pan from the local Safeway supermarket --but when caught fabricated a story about some guys threatening to beat him up if he didn't steal it for them (reality was HE wanted to inhale it to get high !!) --- and those are just a brief mention of how they drove my mother and father up the wall.  My moments were no where near as memorable, I saw what my brothers were always into and didn't want any part of it.   I mostly just fought with them like cats and dogs.

 

It took quite a few years, but the three younger brothers I remain on good terms with.  Oldest Brother, well, you already know how I feel about him ..... eeesh!!!  :eye:

 

So, don't feel too self-conscious, it could always be worse, even if we are not certain how it could possibly be for us, it always can be.   Sometimes just to stay sane and drama/stress free, toxic relationships need to be severed and just pray for the toxic individual from a distance.  ::twitch::

 

AnneNR ;)

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