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A Modest Fundraising Proposal for Bernie


susie b

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Bernie has contacted me and asked me to re-run my distressed merchandise post in attempt to help raise funds to keep EC.com afloat...This sale yielded much capital and was so successful that Bernie thought that the newbies may want a chance at some of the items...

Let me explain...

As you all know, Bernie has been trying to find ways to help fund the expense for the website...As usual, he called me for some ideas...

I decided to develop a line of Raspberries merchandise that would be available for all of us members to purchase but things went a little haywire...

I contacted a company called "TEA SHIRTS and STUFF" and gave them a list of items to produce...EVERYTHING CAME BACK ALL SCREWED UP...After weeks of haggling, they would not correct the merchandise, so Bernie and I have decided to put them up for sale, asis...

HERE ARE THE ITEMS FOR SALE...NO RETURNS, PLEASE...

ITEM #1: A beautiful poster of Eric in a white bathrobe sitting at a locked keyboard with the caption-"AMERICAN IDLE"..

ITEM #2: A copy of the newly released autobiography, "I REALLY WROTE "GO ALL THE WAY", by Wally Crysome...

ITEM #3: A beautiful T-shirt of the Raspberries bass player...

"Dave Smelley"...

ITEM #4: A nice little piece for the drummer fans...It is a metronome with a little figure of Jim Bonfanti keeping time by beating his head against a wall...

ITEM #5- "SCRATCH "N" SNIFF Raspberries underwear...made by Fruit of the Loom...The only problem is that they are banana scented....(These are currently sold out as Richard Simmons has purchased them all...He is currently selling them on his website to help pay for his legal defenses as he has been arraigned and charged with the murder of his significant other by virtue of a premeditated groin pull that resulted in death...Stay tuned: if "Dick" is found guilty and sent to prison, he has signed an exclusive deal with EC.com and will do a documentary on why they call prison "the pokey")...

If you are interested in any of these "distressed" items, you can pay by PAYPAL...Bernie has opened a special account in an East Coast bank called "First Viagara" and they are accepting deposits at this time...(If you change your mind or do not receive your merchandise in 6-8 weeks, you can have your deposit back...There is no penalty for early withdrawal...

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OR...

I've been tossing the idea around about an all James calender and here are my suggestions...(I have had to alter some of the month names to make them more marketable in non speaking English countries like Panama and New York...)

 

January...The start of the Panama winter season with a picture of our "hero" James in a wet suit which will protect him from all the EC.com ladies drool...

 

FIBruary...James dresses up in a suit and big bushy mustache...Mark Twain style...to celebrate this legendary yarn spinner...

 

MUNCH...This month features a food based theme with our heroine(Lewisa) eating a chunk of her favorite Mexican dish-Jimmychunga...

 

HAYPRIL...James lying in a barn with some of his beautiful ex-girlfriends by his side, Baa, Bah, and Blacksheep...

 

GAY...James dressed in his favorite bra and panties set working out and sweating to Richard Simmons' oldies...

 

JEWN...In this spiritual shot,James is dressed in a yamikah and extolling the virtues of unleavened bread...

 

JEWLY...James continues the theme and is shown shoving away a plate of seafood and pork...

 

DISGUST...James is pictured wearing a doctors outfit as he is ready to cure us as we are getting disgusted seeing his picture this often...

 

SHEEPTEMBER...Finally, some eye candy for the guys as Lewisa is featured in a Little Bo Peep outfit with James in the background,following her around, on all fours, with a wool coat on while drinking Woolite...

 

HUNKTOBER...James goes all out in this pose with just a thinking cap on and nothing else...

 

NOGENDER...A full frontal shot of James with no genitalia...

 

DISMEMBER...What we do to the calender after looking at eleven straight shots of the James...

 

 

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  • 7 months later...

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