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Beyond crappy ass weekend.....


Guest Rachan

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Guest Rachan

Sorry about the crude subject.....sadly it's fitting.....

Kim (BlondeVelvet) posted a beautiful post about friendship that I want to respond to....but I need to sit & do it nicely. This weekend has been a drain.....

It started yesterday morning (I have already bitched to Diane about this)

My daughter is on the swim team & has been for many years. She is just coming into her own. For years, she was the scared kid... I was the only mom standing next to the block at meets, because she was so scared....

So now that she is this really pretty little self assured rocket in the water......my eyes go towards the tiny insecure ones...

I stood next to a father at time trials yesterday that seemed like a really nice man. First year. Talked my ear off. Told me that his daughter was overweight & he wanted her to get the exercise. Great. Exercise is good.

His daughter turned out to be 8 years old and heavyset.

He disgraced her( he disgraced himself) when she got out of the pool. He told his first year swimmer....his baby...his little 8 year old "You can't swim fast because you're FAT"..... He said it in front of all the other kids she was just meeting...

I wanted to cry for her & I wanted to beat the living piss out of him......He tried to talk to me later & I told him flat out that he is a nasty idiot.....That is SO not what ANY developmental sport is supposed to be.

Why can't some parents remember what it's like to be young & scared?

After that lovely experience Rachel(my daughter) came to me & said "Mom...I think I was bitten by something"

Within moments, her lip & tongue were swelling & her breathing was becoming difficult....

Scary Scary......I pumped her full of benadryl & my husband rushed her to the ER ( I had other kids here)

SO......Crappy ass weekend!!! I will take a deep breath & respond to kims beautiful post when my head clears smile

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Oh, Tracy, what a horrible time at what was supposed to be a happy and fun time for all parents and their kids. First of all, I hope Rachel is alright. Thank God your husband was there to take her to the ER. It must have been absolutely harrowing for you knowing that you couldn't go because you were responsible for being there with other kids. Eek! Did the hospital find out what had bitten her? Is she recovering?

Second, what's scary is that you can never tell about parents, who they are or what they're like. As a teacher, I observed some of the most affable, likable parents bragging about their kids, and found out later that some of them were on the verge of getting their children taken away because they had been abused at home.

What he did to his daughter qualifies as mental abuse, pure and simple, which. of course, you know. How distressing to have to witness this jerk doing it first hand! That poor little girl. The bad news is that he's an abusive creep. The good news is that his daughter obviously knows it. It's no consolation to her right now, but she is learning not to ever trust him. Hopefully, she'll tell him to go pound salt and let him have a piece or two of her mind when she's 18. For now, it's heartbreaking what she has already endured from this jerk. I'm glad you told him exactly what he is. Sadly, he probably won't change, or even be able to see himself as he is. That type rarely can.

If you can at all talk to the little girl, it would be great for her to hear some advice from you and maybe some other adults she can trust who will let her know that her father has no idea what he's talking about and give her some encouragement. My heart is breaking for her, reading your story.

Maybe it wasn't such a "crappy ass weekend" after all. There's always something good that can come from anything bad, no matter how bad, and perhaps it was meant to be that you saw this horrible injustice so you can be this little girl's champion. Where was her mother? And what's SHE like? From what I've seen, either one parent is also abused by the other and cowers along with the kids, or becomes complicit, out of fear or because they're also abusive, in the child abuse.

Whatever the case, maybe you were supposed to see this in the general scheme of things ("In life, there ARE no accidents...") and the opportunity has presented itself for you to at least befriend the little girl. It sounds as though she really needs a friend.

Mr. #sshole will get what's coming to him. Someone needs to report his behavior to Child Services. Don't let it get you down. Maybe it's an opportunity that can make you and the little girl feel better. And/or...maybe it was "supposed" to happen so somebody would get a heads-up and report this creep so some kind of intervention can be done. Since his behavior was widely observed, it seems plausible that other kids will feel sorry for this girl and befriend her and parents (maybe even some school officials were in attendance) will alert someone to the problem. You're so caring and sweet. The little girl would so benefit from your guidance.

:)--Love, Darlene

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Tracy,

I don't think I can add much to Darlene's lovely letter. (Always a way with words.. smart)

It might feel very awkward for you to approach this little girl; perhaps this would be an excellent teaching opportunity for the kids that witnessed this blatant abuse...kids that age know a bully when they see one; and that father was a perfect showpiece. I am unclear as to whether you are a coach..maybe not...but if you spoke to the coach of that little girl and/or the group of kids that witnessed it, there might be a chance to have an open dialog about bullying in general and then maybe someone can take that child aside and try to let them see that what her father said what a type of bullying. Maybe she can be encouraged to get a chance to talk it out or possibly mention it to her Mom (of course as Darlene pointed out..Mom could be an enabler or she may be just as shocked and disgusted as we are to hear this...)..

Bottom line; a teaching opportunity and trying to validate to that little girl that what he did was so wrong.

arrgh Jean

BTW...I hope your daughter is all better...and if you haven't yet...go have a glass of wine! grin

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Jean, you beautifully brought out many points I missed. But you always do, and that's why you're so important here. smile

Your "bottom line" sums it all up perfectly, and much more succinctly than I ever could. You have that gift of precis, just like Eric does. Perfectly on the point, to the point.

And a glass of wine is the best advice!

:)--Dar

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Those are all wise comments from the ladies above. Thankfully, Rachel is a-okay. Allergic reactions are truly harrowing.

As far as Daddy @sshat is concerned......his girl is only 8 yrs old...she is an absolute gift with beauty and joy to be found in EVERYthing she does. This tells me so much about this dude's insecurities and shortcomings as a father...and as a man. So this girl is a novice swimmer on a developmental level and he berates her like this? He also calls her out because of her weight? Besides the fact that the adults in the household can control what food is in the house.....doesn't this guy know that children's bodies change all the time (especially pre-puberty).

Kudos to this little girl for actually getting on the damned starting block and diving into the water. May she carry that courage throughout the rest of her life! I feel badly about how she must be treated by her father away from public view.

Good for you Tracy for letting him have it! Of course the coach should be aware of this and hopefully can speak to the Dad.

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I'm with SOL I would've wanted to punch him! You wonder why some adults turn out the way they do. I have always felt the behavior starts with the parents, and if that mother just stands aside and let's her daughter be abused she needs a good punch also! Now back to Tracy I hope Rach's doing ok and like I always say Trace there is always another day and damn it just has to get better ! smile Hang in there my friend!

Monica

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My form of mental abuse this weekend with my 5 yr old:

Cameron: "Dad, Koda (his friend) says he's a better athlete than me. It's not fair!" cry

Me: "Oh, stop it. He's a year older and bigger than you, so you have time to catch up if you practice. Go tell him you are a better "whiner" than he is."

1 minute later...

Cameron: "Koda says he is a better whiner than I am too!...It's not fair!" cry

Me: "One of these days I will teach you about irony, boy..." :twitch:haha

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Guest Rachan

First off.... John, "Daddy Asshat" is a great band name laugh

I just don't get some parents at ALL & judging from the responses to this, I am not alone.

For the most part, developmental sports are wonderful. For the parents too! It gives you a real appreciation of all the work & effort that goes into keeping these programs going.... & when you see the friendships & the teamwork that is the result...it's worth every ounce of effort.

The first time I really "got it" was Rachels first race. She was terrified (5 years old) They put her in backstroke, which she hated (Still does) We strategically placed Daddy at finish & Mommy at start.

It took her about a week to get from one end of the pool to the other....Eventually , my husband & I were just moseying next to the pool clapping & telling her she was "almost there!!! You got it!!! A couple more strokes!!! Keep Kicking!!!" While she would stop & cling to the rope crying...

This is where I actually learned a lesson.... Just about all of the other parents, from our team & the opposing team....plus the older swimmers, surrounded the pool & started to scream encouragement & clap for her. They cheered her on.

All of the parents seemed to remember when their kids were just starting & scared. The older kids remembered when they were that size & how hard it was.

When she finally touched the wall (With Daddy kneeling on the side with his hand in the water, so she didn't hit her head)

The entire pool erupted in cheers....The guy who was announcing the races on the loudspeaker said "You just saw the first race of our future Olympian, Rachel"

I remember that...Rachel remembers that. When there is a new little one in the water afraid, we are two of the first & the loudest to cheer them on.

I have no idea what possible good "Daddy Asshat" thought he was doing with his abusive demeaning comments....It's heartbreaking

This guy didn't look like much of an athlete himself....possibly the source of his nasty attitude.

I am going to pimp out my child as this girls private helper...hopefully keeping out of an adult confrontation that will cause him to pull her from the team & also giving her a "big girl" to make her feel more accepted. (I'm sure rach will be thrilled.....too bad...)

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I'm sure glad Rach is ok, Tracy. Quick thinking on your part....as far as that fool who calls himself a dad....jeez....what a jerk. Doesn't he have a clue to the damage he is doing to this young child??? There should be a test....people like that should be neutered...and it's a shame to think of all the fine couples who cannot have a child. mad

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Tracy, what a terrific idea! I think Rachel will be happier to do it than you think. Children seem to take advice and believe other kids way more than they do adults anyway, so Rachel will really have some influence on this poor little girl.

Yes, Giro, how sad for couples who can't have a child and would welcome this sweet girl lovingly. Daddy @sshat is probably a big bully who never worked out in his life so he's going to try to live vicariously through his daughter. He should get himself to the gym instead.

:)--D

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