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Bernie vs. Lew-Out of Court Settlement


Lew Bundles

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

I am happy to report that Bernie and I have settled our legal tussle out of court with a decision that is workable for both of us... For those who were not aware, Bernie filed a lawsuit against me for failing to fulfill my posting obligations... Originally, I had signed a contract with E.C.com for a certain number of posts (yes, I was being paid to post) and I have failed to submit the agreed upon number that my 5 year deal called for...

Bernie sued me but we have settled out of court...

In exchange for dropping the suit, I have agreed to post a monthly newsletter and will allow Bernie to repost a "Lew's Greatest Hits" column whenever he feels the need to do so to fulfill my contractual obligation...

JANUARY NEWSLETTER-1st EDITION

Welcome to all...

Eric Carmen was arrested again for a DWI charge here in Cleveland... he was arrested for "DRIVING WHILE INSTRUMENTING"... It seemes that it is illegal to drive and play the electric piano at the same time... Police stopped Carmen's vehicle when they noticed a 32,000 ft. long extension cord sticking out of Eric's back window...

We wish a speedy and healthy recovery to Jim Bonfanti... Unfortunately for him, the RASPBERRIES are planning to reform without him and have secretly auditioned other drummers to replace him... After many days of potential candidates, The Berries hired the drummer from the rock group "The Archies", Jughead Jones, to replace Jim... I'm not sure how long this marriage will last as Jughead keeps losing the "beat" as he constantly tries to readjust that stupid hat that he wears that keeps bobbin' up and down... Poor Juggs, he hasnt been the same since ol' Veronica died...

Speaking of drummer auditions, Eric contacted former Raspberries percussioniost Mike McBride about rejoining, but was rejected as McBride and Scott McCarl have become ordained clergy in the "Church of Latter Day Raspberries"... Check out their website at www.holyshit.com...

Eric's divorce has finally been settled in a very unique sense... His ex gets half of everything... Not only does she get half of the royalties, she actually gets half of the songs... For instance, the song "I Can Remember"... She gets the first six letters - "I Can Re" - and he gets the "Member" part... Don't expect to hear the long piano solo in "All By Myself" anymore either... All radio stations have been ordered to "cease and desist" from the long version... You guessed it, the ex got the solo... In a weird scientific oddity though, the divorce case has suddenly cured Eric's amnesia as he suddenly remembered that Wally DID indeed write half of "Go All The Way", therefore, the ex only gets half of his half...

For a split second, during the Iowa caucus', Eric was becoming a very rich man... At one point, the balloting was so close between Ron Paul,Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney, that all three candidates contacted Eric and wanted to pay him for the rights to change one of his songs to "Almost President"...

The only money he did make was when Michele Bachman, the next day, purchased the rights to "Dont Wanna Say Goodbye"...

And how was your month?...

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Lew, ever since I first signed on here nearly 3 years ago, I've heard about your hilarious postings. I never got to read one UNTIL NOW!! I am still laughing about Jughead Jones replacing Jim Bonfanti as drummer!! That is pretty creative, I love it and look forward to your NEWSLETTER!! Guess I'll be spending more time here and less at Cafe Mom. hahahahahaha
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