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How I Spent My Summer


LobsterLvr

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Gosh...it seems like many of us have lived parallel lives and have been through things we all can relate to. Which made me think...

In life I’ve learned that we all have a “story†to tell and thankfully there are many others who are willing to listen to us, even if frequently, we cause the pain that the story is based on upon ourselves.

We all have choices. Who we marry, who we have children with. Not every man is a dead beat dad. Not every woman is a “bitch†for wanting what is due to them. Yet, some fit the description to a tee. Not every man is fair to his ex-wife; never every woman is fair to her ex-husband. Yet, many treat each other with respect, whether they actually like each other or not.

If one marries someone who had a husband or wife and/or family before them, it’s a fact that monetary obligations of that relationship, especially with kids, are going to come before many things. And most all will agree that kids are numero uno, even if they are not of your loins.

Even though a spouse’s obligation is not to their new spouse’s first family, it could technically fall on them because their obligation is now to their new husband or wife. The new spouse’s old problems usually become the other new spouse’s new problems. I believe some people refer to that as “baggage.†I prefer not to think of first families as “baggage.â€

When married, his money and her money at times needs to be our money (if a couple doesn’t already have “our†money) and every month certain monetary obligations must be met. Husbands and wives are best when they are not in jail, even if an ex has a right by law to take that ex-spouse to court and the courts have a right to place them in jail for whatever reason. It doesn’t behoove a wife, ex or current. It just doesn’t.

People need to try their best to stop handing others ammunition and then get all wigged out when that ammunition is used against them. Let’s face it. Not everyone you were once friendly with will still treat you in a fair way.

Most likely, an ex rarely gives a damn how well you did or didn’t do in your life, unless they are obsessed with you. Those instances are few and far between, if any. Most of the time it is our own ego convincing ourselves that someone in our past still gives us the time of day in their thoughts. Life should be lived because you want to make the most of it, not because you want revenge.

When we “move onâ€, we also should know that our past may (for whatever reason) move with us as part of our present. No matter how much we stomp our feet and scream that it is our past. It’s just a fact.

We can always find someone to vouch for us and others who will swear against us. Life isn’t fair. BUT we can do whatever we need to do to make it simpler, less complicated. Even if we think that we have been spat upon by former lovers, court systems and or the world. Sometimes we just have to “suck it up†and believe or not, we do, though it may anger us, (rightfully), to no end.

Not everyone will sympathize with our woes. Yet many can empathize with them. We live our life how we feel is best. There will be those who agree with us and those who disagree with us. We may not be right, but we may not be wrong. No one is perfect.

I’ve realized that life is what it is. One can only do their best to deal with what is handed to them. We may not like the choices given to us, but we are all in control of how we will handle those choices. Again the choice is ours.

And one last thing I’ve learn about life. There is his side of the story and her side of the story. And somewhere in between is the truth. It’s easy to form a “snappy†opinion on limited information. It’s even better when that information is pretty much complete. Until then, one can only call it as they see it from what they are reading. And everyone will have their own take on it. But really, an opinion is just that, an opinion and nothing more.

Glad you found a job in this tough market, Dave. I hope you don’t end up back in the “cooler.â€

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Can someone tell me why if you are a working woman, that you can get alimony?

Because an ex-husband may be making more money than an ex-wife can. Case in point...my brother and his ex-wife. He is still making over 6 figures and she is on minimum wage as she hasn’t worked outside of taking care of my nephews which my brother agreed to and she gave up her 6 figure job. Fair is fair. We, the family totally back her. And BTW...in CA...many a man is collecting alimony and should be. It depends on the circumstance and a fair judge or two people who can be civil.

PS: PRENUPS are your friend---even if you are both broke when you marry.

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ENJOY!!! Living well is indeed the best revenge.

Seriously, Dar? NOT ME! I just want to have a great life because I only have one life...I'm not out for revenge on anyone who *I* feel wronged me. Kind of sad if you want revenge on someone. What a waste of wonderful energy! And as I stated, I doubt an ex really gives a damn what is happening in your life.

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Belle, You weren't mean. You played devils advocate & asked an honest question.

Having been thru it yourself,I see no problem with that. smile

I agree. But, could you please loosen up on Steve. I am going to be seeing him in a month and I need him to be...oh, WTHeck, he can defend himself so I'll shut up! See ya soon Hollies!

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Wendy

I was waiting for your wisdom to appear and there it is.

I don't hold grudges (usually) because I forget (usually) why I'm supposed to be mad at the person. Being mad is tiresom and, to me, boring after a short while.

I love hollies' posts and have affection for him but I think that if he can dish it out he needs to be willing to take it with some grace.

I did kind of "go for the spice" which is not a good way to deal with a problem in the long run.

I hope you and hollies have a pleasant time when you meet up.

Belle

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Hey Dave, sorry to read about your dreadful Summer, but pleased to hear that things are looking up for you. All the best with the job interview.

LOL and BIG HUGS to you and Mrs LobsterLvr. spinLuvLove:updown:spin

P.S

If anyone feels so inclined they could PM me and "educate" me about Alimony. What it s and how it's supposed to work. All we have here is Child Support.

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Dave, I'm sorry, but I think I read your post differently than most others. Sure the first part was sad, but the ending (the part I focused on) seems to be happy!!! I'm glad you shared what you did this summer!!

I cannot offer advice on divorce, alimony or anything like that, but I can say that things are looking up for you and that when God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!!

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Good luck with your job offer. Divorce sucks!! I never asked my ex for alimony and he was earning more money at the time of our separation than me. I got laid off and was jobless for 14 months but made it. Now he is earning nothing since he is a residential contractor who have all taken a hit due to the state of our nation. Thank God we never had children together. I have a great job now which I love so hopefully the same will happen for you. Keep your head up and be glad you at least had some fun this summer.

However, ex's seem to never go away kids or not. He's still harassing me and we do not have kids and it was his idea to go play house with someone else. Go figure...ex's are just too tiring! Probably why I have been happily single for a long time.

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Today on the news, they are gonna vote to change the alimony laws, in MASS.

Thanks Robyn! I'll have to look this up.

Alimony has to be fair, and men and women alike may need it. I believe it is based upon income of each spouse. When I left Victor in 1990, I too, wanted nothing. But then again, I was young and he really didn't make that much money and I knew I could. AND, I wanted to be so far away from him! Every time he ate, just ate mind you, I remember being so annoyed that I wanted to take the fork from his mouth and smack him one. And I don’t hit people, ever. So, I knew I needed to leave. lol

Anyway...as a woman ages, she becomes less likely to get work, especially if she has given up work to raise the couple’s children...then again, a man has a hard time too, look at Dave, but men usually have jobs in a marriage.

I think men get messed over a lot. But the law is the law. As they say---tell it to the judge. I think alimony needs to cover the basics in life and not nail salons or tennis lessons or country clubs or shopping sprees. However, many an alimony law covers the “what one has been accustom toâ€, so a judge will many a time rule on that.

Again...all of this can be discussed with lawyers before a wedding. Pre-nup, pre-nup, pre-nup. They may not always work (due to a judge’s ruling), but neither does birth control. You take a chance getting married...you take a chance having sex. Be prepared either way so hopefully you don't have any unforeseen problems.

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In my opinion there should always be a prenup when there are kids from a previous marriage.

Everyone feels more comfortable (except the jealous or greedy ones) when precious possessions and heirlooms are guaranteed to the offsprings of the previous husband/wife.

In my profession I saw some pretty sad and heartbroken offspring when things were not fairly and kindly alloted due to greedy or thoughtless second mates.

I've also seen greedy children who resented their parent's remarriage because of the fear of their inheritance being diminished.

I never remarried but I was prepared with a lot of theories that I didn't have a chance to put into practice.

Belle

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