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What made you laugh today

Carol in Pgh.

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A friend of mine posted this on facebook and it was too funny not to share!

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds...AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale... Bob has been missing since last Friday.

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This is a good one too!

The economy is so bad that:

I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street". Finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck

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A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers and I voted for Obama."

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A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast.

"Bacon, eggs, perhaps some toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit and a cup of fresh coffee?"

He declines, "It's the Viagra," he says, "it's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime she again asks if he would like something.

"A bowl of home made soup, maybe with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a cold beer?"

Again he declines. "No thanks. It's the Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the diner and buy him a super burger. "or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or how about a tasty stir-fry? That'll only take a couple of minutes...?"

Once more he declines, "Again, thanks, but it's the Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well then," she replies, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm freakin' STARVING!"

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