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I was served and it doesn't feel good...


Tiggsherby

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For years I've been trying to work things out as many of you know. As our 20th wedding snniversary got closer, I basically said we BOTH really need to put forth some effort to try to get this thing to work, please let me know by our anniversary....and I got the papers the next day!!! It is getting ugly, my heart is broken (though it has been slowly breaking for years now anyway) and I just got the first attorney's bill.

You'll all get a kick out of this...she said she made up her mind during my trip to Hawaii when she mis-interpted something posted on my Facebook from a board member here...

I decided to post this after I read Pat's thread about board members passing and what not...you guys have always been a support system in my life that is unknown to most people close to me.

Don't know what I'm doing, or where I'm going....though knowing my kids are in touch with the real truth, is somewhat comforting!

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Guest Rachan

Steve is right...Don't leave the house whatever you do...hold your ground....even if it's temporary misery....This too shall pass.

I hate to say this, but don't think if you're mister nice guy now it will make it a smoother transition...it will just make you mister poor guy later...she's made up her mind. She snuck you. All bets are off.

As far as this place being a place of support , you are completely right. I started out here at a completely crappy time in my life & some of the people here turned out to be Godsends...& I got through the crappiness.....so will you.

xoxo

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To borrow a line from Jeff Goldblum in "Juraisac Park"... apparently "I'm always on the lookout for a future ex-Mrs. Mississippi"... so I can feel your pain... and I've been on both sides of the issue.

THe best advice is what I now live by; whatever world I am in when I wake in the morning is the world I live in that day. Sort of a "one day at a time" theme I guess...

The best thing you need to remember is that, as you said, she misinterpreted something said by someone else... Maybe she was looking for an excuse to end things? I don't know...

It's good to have a place where you know you have friends... people who care about you and where you can vent, either on the board or via PM... laugh

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Harry,

I’m so sorry to hear that it had to end this way. Divorce is not a death sentence. As everyone else has said, you have a great support system right here and you’ll get through this and you’ll grow from it. You’ll be okay !!

Diane

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Now is an example of a time in your life when friends and family mean so much. Lean on them and some of them can give you good advice since they've been in the same boat. Your wife may leave you, but your friends and family never will. God bless you as you go through this transition in your life.

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Hi Harry,

I am so sorry to hear this. It seemed like, for the kids, you were willing to do what it took to keep the family in one home.

I totally agree with Steve when he voiced not to move out of the house. In fact, don’t remotely seem to look like you are moving anything out. In California, if you move (or appeared to have), you lose the right to go back into your home without a court order. So the best bet is to go to an Atty. ASAP and secure your rights in your state.

I don’t know what will happen if she gets an order to remove you from your own home, but it is done many a time and mostly to a man. I can never understand making anyone leave their home unless he/she wants to go or is a threat to the spouse.

I don’t know how reasonable she will be, but a good way to keep costs (as well as stress) down is to try to negotiation anything you can possibly agree on without using the lawyers as an in-between.

Remember, you and you alone have a right to do or not do what your lawyer suggests. And so does she. Your lawyer and her lawyer are going to do everything and anything to secure your/her rights. But both of you have the power to decide how much one wants to drag the other through hell and back for no reason. Keep that in mind and hopefully she will too.

I’m sorry you are received an Atty. bill. Damn. I filed and I paid my portion. What is this with women---was I the only one who had a separate bank account? I am ALL for separate accounts!

Anyway...no matter what more I add, it will not take away the emotional pain you are experiencing. Even if you wanted out as much as she did. Just know that...this too shall pass and you will survive this.

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It sounds like good advice has come from good people on this site already but can I add a small but important bit of advice?

Do not badmouth your wife to your kids to justify your actions.

I hope your wife will also abstain from that behavior. In the end it will probably backfire on the "badmouther".

You know the folks on this site will be here for you when needed.

Belle

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I'll second that, 'Belle. I have recently seen how squabbling exes can mess up a child and it isn't pretty. There should be absolutely no ex-bashing in front of a child. An even better idea is no bashing at all!

I didn't say anything bad about my ex because I believed the divorce was only our business and no one elses; but he presented himself as the victem to acquaintances and even my family and of course people felt that they needed to take sides.

This caused extra problems for my son and myself but eventually the people who counted saw things for what they were, I had clean hands and my son respects me for my decision to avoid vitriol.

Of course outrageous accusations that would result in serious or legal problems should not be ignored.

Belle

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Harry,

I just read this. I feel so sorry for you and the pain you are about to go thru. I wish I could say it will all get better but the truth told it will get worse before it gets better. Having been thru this recently, I agree with a lot of what was said here( Rachan and Hollies especially).. You are my buddy. You have my number . Please don't hesitate to call me for advice, a listening ear or just someone to cry to (and you will cry). It will get better but it takes time. Be orhganized in your divorce. Work on it like it's the most important thing (it is). Try to keep lawyers out of it. If you can get a mediator instead of separate lawyers you are golden. The one who documents, gets his work done timely and does as much as they can themselves wins. That being said I bow to others because, What do I know? I didn't do those things and she got almost everything. I put the kids first she put getting things from me first. Rachan is so right about the being nice thing. She is dDONE with you. No memories no nothing. She is moving on and you are not in her plans. The only time I saw this not happen was with a friend of mine that was so nice to his wife trying to get her to stay married but it wasn' t working that he finally started going out and met someone he started caring for. One day the wife sees texts and a photo of the new girl on his cell phone. She yealls and screams. Tells all friends how he's the bad one. Days later she tells him she can't bear the idea of him with another womwn and she's changed her mind . They have been happy together ever since.

PLEASE CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING. (AND DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE)

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