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Jeff Harris' mom


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Hey, of course I post there!! But, I do read more than I post ...

Thanks a lot for all your kind words ... you guys are really great ....

She was an amazing woman, and will be missed by many people. She passed from (the non smoking type) lung cancer - but only in the last 2 days did she suffer. And, it was incredibly heart wrentching for us - She's in peace now.

She was a model and actress in Hollywood in the 50's. She did many bit parts, but, did a REALLY bad sci-fi film, a la Ed Wood, that was shelved in 1957, and only picked up and bought by the Sci Fi spoof show "Mystery Science Theater 3000" 35 years later. She had told me aobut this film all my life, but, only in 1993, did I get to see it. A clip from youtube is here (well, the whole film is, but, it's split up, since it's youtube) - she's the blonde ...

I'm proud that IMDb rates it as one of the worst films ever !! (Hey, it's the best and worst that get noticed in life, right??


G-d bless you all ....

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Gotta tell ya Jeff...your mom was a looker!

I remember as a kid, living in Manhattan, men just stopping my mom in the street to tell her how beautiful she was ...

I guess I must have grabbed her genetic backwash when my egg was fertilized :P:P

Thanks again for everybodys wishes ...

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By the way, if any good came from this situation, I learned a very important lesson, which, I probably (hopefully) won't have to address again, but, maybe others can learn from it ...

My mom in fact, to the end, was a very vein woman, as she did obtain her greatest advantages of life based on her looks. That being said, she was very much in denial of her cancer and impending death, because that affected her vanity. She even rubbed face moisterizing cream every day, virtually to the end, with shaking hands. She even had told the guy she was seeing, she was 60, when in fact she was 76. When we spoke, he said, it's so sad she contracted this disease at such a young age of 60!! Anyway, that's who she was ...

The way I dealt with it, was, I played into her denial, while, at the same time, making more pragmatic decisions for her, without consulting her.

After she was in the Hospital, and it was obvious she couldn't be cared for properly at home any more, even with a private nurse, she was sent to a Nursing Home. I got her in the best one in Manhattan. It is also a physical rehabiliation facility, which, technically, was why she was admitted. Even to her friends, she wouldn't call the place a Nursing Home, she kept referring to it as a rehab center, because it sounded better.

However, when it came time to deal with the fact that Chemotherapy was doing her no good, and things were bleak, they strongly suggested we put her in a Hospice. She vehemntly denied wanting to go to a Hospice, as, she kept feeling like something would turn around, and she would get better - and of course, Hospice means death. Of course, I too didn't want to throw in the towel, at least emotionally, and, I figured the Nursing Home has decent enough care, so, I repsected her wish.

Long story short, 4 days before the end, in 5 minutes, she went from somewhat talkative and alert, to pretty much comatose. It was only then I realized that the Nursing Home did not have the proper facilities to attend to a comatose patient. They couldn't administer IV. They had no 24 hour on call Doctor, only one that came once a day. The nurses were limited in scope of knowledge. They said normally, in cases like this, they send the patient to the Hospital. However, because she was in such great, agonizing pain, comfort was paramount, as we knew she didn't have too much time left, and, to move her to a Hospital, would most likely cause her inhumane pain. Even with a huge amount of Morphine, she was still moaning in pain. It was a very difficult moment - I was stuck. I had no direction to go. Usually, I get what I want with money - money is not an object for me - but, no money could buy what I needed. I couldn't move her, yet, they didn't have the facilities, nor owuld they allow me to bring in a private Doctor or IV specialist, or anyone, as only one Doctor was authorized to give medical orders at that facility, and, no outside medical help could do anything in the home, for their insurance reasons. It took FIVE HOURS for the Doctor to get to the Nursing Home, to up her dosage of Morphine. So, whereas she only suffered for a few short days, she would have experienced far less pain in a Hospice.

The lesson here? No matter how long before you feel your loved one will die from a painful disease like cancer, if its deemed terminal, make sure they go to a Hospice - whther they are at home, or a Nursing Home. They can do everything a Hospital can do, and more, in a much more comfy atmosphere.

It really irked me to see that this Nursing Home, would not employ 2 or 3 full time Doctors, to have one on shift 24/7 - they contract the ones from NY Hospital, which is across the street. I know it's expensive to run a Home like this, but, this paticular Home takes in over $30 MILLION a year in revenue for their care. They couldn't spend $600,000 on 3 ultra competent Doctors?

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