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Our EC.COM Betsey needs our prayers


AnniekNY

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Annie,

For us, a support group was very helpful. We attended our first meeting less than 2 weeks after our baby died and continued going to meetings until after our next child was born. The support of people who have lived through the same type of tragedy and truly understand where you are is helpful, comforting and encouraging. There is a national support group called "The Compassionate Friends". You could check with the local hospital to see if there's a chapter in Betsey's area. An internet search may have information on other groups. Also, someone gave us the advice "Be kind to yourself". It's the only piece of advice I remember. If we were invited somewhere that we thought would make us uncomfortable we just didn't go. We didn't force ourselves to be in situations that would hurt too much. It didn't matter what it was. Everyone grieves differently, but this is what was helpful for us. Betsey is fortunate to have a friend like you. Just being there for her will be a blessing.

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Annie,

You know, I think it depends on the individual as far as support groups go. While I'm glad to hear it helped Raspberries4ever, I know it made it worse for me. My wife at the time, got alot out of the support group, too, seeing how many people had this happen to them made her realize that we weren;t any different than anyone else. She made friends with a number of the people that attended, but everyone eventually drifted off over the years, as that is an odd thing to have started a common bond of friendship over.

For me, I couldn't believe just how many people went through it and seeing four and five different couples every week coming in with new stories and crying along with them just absolutely ate me up and ripped my heart out.

As stated above, everyone grieves differently, though, so maybe it is something they want to try and see how it goes.

When we attended, the thought process of "you are not alone in this" is difficult to comprehend, but it helped my wife.

As a deeply religious person, at the time, I felt betrayed and confused by my religion, not understanding how or why this could possibly happen. There is an amazing song out by the group Casting Crowns (just saw them again last weekend in Chicago) about an eleven year old girl that died, titled "Praise You In This Storm". While it does not help me with the loss of my Jennifer, it does help me tremendously with the religious aspect of it all, if they need help on that end.

(Even though the song "Photograph" by Ringo Starr is written about a guy/girl relationship, I can't listen to it without tearing up, thinking about my daughter.)

I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of each of my daughters, two born before her and two born after her death, all taking "Jennifer" as their Confirmation name in her honor. It shows the impact her life had on our family.

It's definately a long road to deal with and I'm not sure there is a right way to handle it, but trying the group might help. I hope so.

I will keep them in my prayers. No one should have to go through this alone. Be there, if only to listen.

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Support groups can help, or hinder, the lengthy grieving process, but no one should go through this alone. The biggest danger is that one hides away in seculsion while grieving and detaches from society/community in an unhealthy way.

We all know people who have gone through tragedies, or have walked those dark tortuous roads ourselves. Don't let someone get to a place where she/he can't be found.

Anne

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Thanks to all of you wonderful people for your thoughts, prayers and messages of suppport. My niece's 7 year old daughter became ill suddenly in Boston last week, was soon unconscious and taken to Massachusetts General Hospital where she slipped into a coma. In a few hours she was pronounced brain dead. This was all from a virulent strain of bacterial meningitis. Our family is reeling from this terrible shock and I am so grateful for my other "family" here on ec.com. I am touched by your concern.

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