Julie Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Oh guys, my life just soooooo sucks right now. I always try to maintain a happy and positive outlook, but it's just getting harder and harder. I know there are people in this world that are much worse off than me. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. I know that things eventually have to turn around, but, man oh man, things are really sucky right now.As many of you know, my darling husband passed away unexpectedly 5 months ago. Six weeks later, my sweet brother-in-law followed him after a courageous 10 year battle with ALS. His funeral was held on my husband's birthday.Since then, both of my parents have been in the hospital and they are just getting older and more fragile.I got on some meds for depression after my husband died. The first one made me eat and cry and the second one made me eat, be crazy and want to die. The 3rd one made me so dizzy I couldn't function. I got fired from a job I loved. Now, my boss is fighting me for my unemployment. I won the first battle, but now she is appealing it and wants an "in-person" hearing. I am going to have to hire a lawyer at my own expence. (keep in mind that my husband was the bread winner making over twice what I do) Now I don't have a job and had to find my own health insurance. Thankfully, my husband did leave me a little insurance money, but it's really not that much and I'm having to live on it now.I am blessed to have some wonderful friends from church and an awesome pastor. I love my family. I have 2 adorable kitties.Oh how I miss my dear husband. He was my very dearest friend, my lover, my confidant, my closest companion in everything. I waited 45 years to meet him. I had lived with my mom and dad before I met him.I'm so lonely and so sad. I wish I could just grieve over the loss of my darling James, but I have to spend endless time looking for another job and fighting to get unemployment, health insurance, plus I have to learn how to live on this farm all by myself. I don't know how to do a lot of stuff. I have to figure it out. I hate bugs and the farm is crawling with crickets this year. I know I'm just whining and having a big ol' pity party.I am so jealous of everyone on here that has a "normal" life. I don't know if I'll ever feel "normal" again. I don't know how to manage money or the farm. I suck at paying the bills. I don't have the energy to do laundry, clean the house or do anything enjoyable.I can no longer listen to Eric's music--it just makes me cry. We adored "I Was Born to Love You" and played it at our wedding dance. We danced to it this past Valentine's Day.I met my sweet man 4 years ago yesterday. I just miss him so much. He was an incredible man who had overcome so much in his life. He was in prison from May of 1996 until August of 2003. He didn't see his children for years and years. But, he overcame all of his drug addictions and his worldly ways and accepted Christ in his life. He truely changed and he would hate to see me like this.It does not honor his memory or his legacy for me to be like this right now. I just need encouragement so badly right now. I need to have some kind of sign that things will get better. Guess I need some of Darlene's magic lemonade. I hate that I am like this right now. It is not the person I was or the person I want to be. I know I am in a horrible transition.Please, cheer me up. Slap me, kick me, tickle me, whatever. I just need to get out of this place I'm in.Thanks for letting me vent.Blessings,Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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