Jump to content

It's over.


LobsterLvr

Recommended Posts

My divorce became final today. (It would have been 27 years this April.) I'm not exactly sure how or what I'm feeling. When this whole thing started back in March '04 I had expected this day to be one of the craziest days of my life, surrounded by drunk buddies, stuffing dollar bills into some go-go dancer's g-string, singing karaoke songs about how good it is to be free! Instead, I'm home, online, not feeling much at all. (No, I haven't been drinking. Heck, I only had one beer with dinner...and I didn't even finish it!)

So it's finally happened. I'm single for the first time since Jimmy Carter was president. It's weird. Sad. Exciting. Tiring. And down-right confusing. I'm at the age when I'm supposed to have things figured out! Well, as my mother always says, "When you make plans God laughs." He must be laughing his holy butt off at this moment!

Oh...before I forget...the real reason I'm posting this message is because through all of my ups and downs over the last two years I've always been able to find friends at this site. Your posts have made even my darkest days brighter. You've made me laugh, you've kept me entertained, informed, and intrigued. So thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Even if you didn't know it, each and every one of you helped me through all the crap I just muddled thru. And Eric, if you happen to be reading this, thank you, too. So many of your songs have had significant meaning throughout my life, and this phase was no exception. Wow, you really know how to write 'em!

Ok that's enough of the mushy stuff. Now I gotta find out if this match dot com thing really works!

Love ya all and thanks again,

Dave

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hang in there, Dave...As someone who went through this a couple of years ago(23 years of matrimony), its hard to envision a new life...But, you'll get there again...It seems like one big iceberg that will always be in the way, but each day at a time, the ice melts and the obstacle gets a little smaller...Take solace in the simple things that make you happy...And be thankful for the things that you do have...There is an awful lot to be happy about...Things have a way of working out for the best(although it may take you awhile to see/beleive this...Find a hobby...Stay busy...You'll be surprised at how you will develop as a person...You'll survive...Remember, "Living well is the best revenge"...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

this is the first day of the next chapter of your life...better to spend this time contemplating the future...you can't ignore the past and it's lessons...but the future is where you'll living...tomorrow...then next week...then next year...everything you have been through up 'til now has brought you to this place...i hope from here a better path will reveal itself...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dave, I hope there were many good times over those 27 years, and you won't forget those. Don't rush into anything - just take the time that you need. You have a lot of support right here.

A cautionary note: a friend of mine tried match.com recently - and it seemed to be a place for married men to look for diversion. If my friend is representative of the females on match.com, then you'll do well...

Anne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One important thing is to take care of yourself. Get enough rest, eat the right foods and exercise if you can. You won't have a nagging wife around to remind of all the wrong things you are doing in life...But if you'd like, I can have mine call you once a day to carry on the routine. :rolleyes:

Dave, with all that lobster you eat, how's your cholesterol levels?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hell, if I knew you were getting divorced, I woulda done better than the standard generic hug at the berries shows last year wink

I'm sorry to hear it, and I know it ain't easy... I came thisclose myself. But if it'll make ya feel better, I'll nag and bitch at you at WAB this summer (if there is one) happy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hang in there Dave. Remember everything happens for a reason. Time heals and the future is full of all kinds of possibilities. I too am in the middle of a seperation and divorce. It seems to me that the journey and all of it's ups and downs has (and continues to) prepared me for the future. Getting through tough times makes you stronger and able to handle the "growing pains" better. I have also found that faith and prayer are very powerful and calming channels. My marriage has also been pretty long (11 years). I have found comfort in knowing that the future is bright and there is a light not only at the end of the tunnel but it is all the way through the tunnel also. I have read a few good books and am seeing a councelor also. That has helped a lot. Fortunately my insurance covers it with a small copay. One word of caution, carefully choose a counselor, I even found info on how tho choose a good counselor in one of the books I read.

This board has helped taken my mind off of things quite a bit. All of you seem like very nice people. Thanks for all the laughs and brain tickling.

I too have found solace in Eric's music during this time. All of it speaks volumes in relation to the feelings I have been having. It has helped me vent a lot. I did not realize how much I was suppressing good and bad feelings, doubts, opinions, individuality, weaknesses and strengths. Thanks Eric so much for very wonderful, moving music!

One added bonus to what I have learned. Even though he may think me crazy to go out of state for the next Berries concert, that's his problem and I don't have to feel stupid for doing it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Things I found helpful (in no particular order):

My brothers.

My mother (she knew my ex was trouble back in '79!).

Counseling.

Exercise.

Beer and Wine.

Conversations with God (He knows a lot about wine!)

Friends.

Work. (although I don't recommend changing jobs in the midst of a divorce).

The tv show COPS (need to talk with my counselor about that one)

Raspberries Reunion Concerts

Of course, Eric's music.

This site.

And The Boston Red Sox (who got me thru the worst of it in '04).

Dave

Link to comment
Share on other sites

David me boy, take a deep breath and just move on. Don't be in any rush to 'encumber' yourself at the moment (wink, wink). There will be time enough for that in the future.

It is true, love is blind and others will immediately see or sense that which we can't or won't. Take time to understand Dave (you) and what he really wants in life and a life partner who wants the same thing(s). You've got to be objective and detached (not as cold as it sounds) when making any major decision. This is extremely important. It took me three tries before I hit the marriage lottery because it took me that long to "get it." Don't force it because it will not work properly.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LobstrLvr, You're getting some real quality advice here. Having no experience in divorce (Please God don't give me any either) I don't have much to offer that hasn't been sais except this is a pretty cool place to vent, bond, get some yuks as well as great support. I wish you well. Hopefully you'll have a great year this year and not need the Red Sox to win again. I couldn't go thru that again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dave, This may sound strange, but today is the first day of the rest of your life! You have a brand new chance to start over and become the captain of your own fate!(without a nagging co-captain... wink )

You are a warm and wonderful person, and she probably didn't deserve you in the first place! Everything happens for a reason (I agree with every one of the wise and wonderful posts board members have offered above), and if you have children, THAT was the reason.

Now you can chart your own course. Every concept about life is relative, and everything depends upon perspective. As a single, I thought of marriage to the "right" person as being with someone all the time and "never being lonely." Marriage to the right person is great, but now I realize I didn't appreciate the immense value of solitude in providing a musician time to create one's best and most beautiful music. Humans always long for what they don't have. When you feel lonely, remember the "not so good" married times and delight in the fact that you're free to do anything you wish. And you're living in a great place to meet people! (I went through Plainsboro the other day and thought of you--in fact, I waved!)

Good luck. You are a cherished member of "the board." I love ya. You can spend every New Years' Eve with me (and the Trenton Symphony). In fact, I'll save you a comp ticket every year. happy

smile --Love, Darlene

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...