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The Evening according to LEW...


Lew Bundles

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I have read a lot of stuff about the Kyle Vincent show at the Hogya's...As with the WAB, I will now give you the inside scoop as to what really went on that evening...

I arrived at the house with Dianed and Captain Harlock...This is where the story gets cooking...I was wondering all along if there was gonna be any more special guests...To my surprise, the front door was opened and standing before us was NEIL DIAMOND JR.(I later discovered that it was Bernie's younger brother...The whole cast of characters was there so let me try to paint a picture for everyone...This is a very disturbing collection of people...Older crowd...(At some point, I thought that we would end up playing, pin the wrinkles on the old man's forehead)...After the long drive, I decided to go to the mens room and that's where I met two board members...Rich form Pa. was in there, chewing on the little white mint in the bottom of the urinal...JohnO was there also, getting a drink of water and I inadvertantly snapped the toilet seat down on his neck(He was mad at me all night)...

Once I came out of there, I decided to get a drink at the bar...The same kid was there that bartended the WAB affair...Same clothes,same drink selection, the only thing that I noticed differently were the marks from the handcuffs...

Bernie's daughter was there and I feel really badly for them...They only speak in Rasberries song titles..For instance,

LEW:When was the first time that you ever heard the name Kyle Vincent?

DAUGHTER:TONIGHT

LEW:Do you work?

DAUGHTER:I'm A Rocker...

LEW:What do you wanna do when you grow up?

DAUGHTER:I Wanna Be With You...

At this point, i catch Bernie looking at me out of the corner of his eye and I decide to high-tail it out of there...

LEW:Goodbye...

Daughter:Dont Wanna Say Goodbye...etc...

AnneG was there...She's very quiet...She makes Harpo Marx sound like Joan Rivers...

Mr. and Mrs. Tommy Tunes were there...Tommy lost a lot of weight...Last time I saw him ,I stood next to him and felt like Karen Carpenter...But he has slimmed down, although he looks like he's wearing a football helmet...His wife is very nice, but I didnt catch her name, but its got to be LOONEY because thats what you have to be to be married to him "LOONEY TUNES"...

The actual concert itself?...I felt like I was at hospice...When he got through playing, I wanted to hear some heavy metal and I put on a James Taylor CD...

Kyle IS talented, but the vegan thing has got to go...Eat some meat...His complexion is so white that he makes Johnny Winter look like George Hamilton...For a vegan, he sure MILKED the crowd...At one point, he started singing a song about his grandmother...This is when HUNGRY EYES(Gina) should think about changing her name to TEARY EYES...She was bawlin' so hard that Bernie had to go check his home owners policy to see if he had flood insurance!!!SUDDENLY...a scream sent everybody into a panic...Ira had slammed the bathroom door closed on his groin...I never heard a sound that bad...(Little did I know, that the same sound would be forthcoming 20 minutes later...KATHY SANG)I looked to see if someone was slaughtering a seal...She makes Yoko Ono sound like Vic Damone...

At this time, Tori fell asleep.I guess the quaaludes started to kick in...This was turning into Woodstock...(AnnieK and her husband were now lined up at the little detox booth over in the corner)...

One potential dangerous moment was averted, when Huxley made a joke about Eric Carmen's hair...Bernie, who had been taping the show, immediately turned the camera off, called mannoman on the phone, and he quickly came over and deleted that portion of the film...(Its a good thing that Darlene wasnt there, she would have dropped to her knees and starting saying the Rosary)...

After the show, people started buying Vincent CD's that he had for sale...(I didnt have to for I had robbed three of them on the way in)

During the post hospice party, aggiejc,did indeed sit on my lap...Dont worry though...She's very skinny...Rumor has it that she has to run around in the shower to get wet...I did start to get a little hot and sweaty, so I placed a piece of cheese under my arms and made French Onion Soup...

I dont think that Bernie expected this big of a turn out...He had to take six bottles of water and a box of Sucrettes and make it stretch out to feed 13...

After we left, it turned real ugly...I want to take this opportunity to apologize to Dianed...When i brought her back to her apartment, I got a little too aggressive...I realized that she is Catholic and with Lent coming up real soon, I figured she wouldnt be able to eat meat for 40 days, so I decided to press the issue now... Change your name from DIANED to DENIED cause thats what happened... DianeD is not my type...The last girl I was with fell for every line I threw at her...She was a banker and I told her "I wanted to make a deposit and asked her if there was any penalty for early withdrawal..."

Lastly, my not least, my brother,Captain Harlock was there but I cant say anything about him because he will tell our mother and she wont let me go next time...I'd hate to miss all the fun...I had a great time...

Love, Lew

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"After the long drive, I decided to go to the mens room and that's where I met two board members..."

I thought that was kind of odd, Lew barging into the bathroom like that, but then I found out that the cops had rousted him for trying to "make friends" earlier that evening in several NJ Turnpike rest stop mens rooms.....

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Quote:
Originally posted by gord:

Guess what, I was told , I was good natured friend.

I know I'm good natured, I have a bathroom problem.

Gord! Back...slowly...away...from...the...computer...
Forgive me I don't find jokes about bathroom problems amusing. Oh who am I kidding, I do. Have you heard the one about the guy with two...
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Tommy Tunes,Lol No I have not, but, I could guess, then again, maybe not,Lol

I had to toss that one in though,bathroom joke., I just had to,Tommy you make me laugh,Lol

It's really nice to see you on here,I'm really glad that your here more often.

tommy can I have your autograph please on a picture of you to add to my others.Please I beg you.

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It should be duly noted here, that aggiesjc, WAS forced onto my lap, by Kathy,who joined her...Aggiesjc struggled mightily to get away, but jetlag had sapped her strength...She, eventually, disengaged...Later that evening, I heard her throwing up in the ladies room:I came to these two possibilities of the reason

1.Repulsed by the lap sitting or

2.Impregnated by it

(I am waiting to hear the final word from her...)

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