Lew Bundles Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Once again...I will tell you the real story of the WAB...No Rose Colored Glasses here kids, just the hard cold truth..."The Gospel According To Lew"...I arrived with Dianed and Capt. Harlock at around 4:00(We made good time-A 2 1/2 hour drive in only 4 hours)...I immediately sensed that something was different about this one...Usually, the Hogya kids are on the front steps consoling each other wondering why their father couldnt like somebody cool, like Chingy)...Instead, they were handing out tubes of Chapstick...This was gonna be a good one this year...Right off the bat, I knew my wedding was in jeopardy...Upon entering the party, Dianed jammed her tongue down the throats of the following people...Bernie,Tim From Wisconsin,JohnO, The Scent lady and the dog...I had taken every precaution...For instance...They say its bad luck for the groom to see his bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony, therefore I made her ride naked from Carnarse onward...(Oh well, more on my retaliation later)...I set up my deejay equipment and started playing some music, waiting for something to happen...It did...NAKED TWISTER...Everything was going fine until Cool Auntie Chicks' son had to reach for a green dot with his mother directly in front of him..With the sudden stoppage, I had a chance to go over and meet Muzza and Kiwi...Lovely couple,but being from New Zealand they had some weird notions...Muzza had told me that through all the time changes, he was having trouble getting to sleep...I suggested counting sheep...He couldnt see how reviewing his ex lovers would help him doze off...While I'm bringing up strange behavior, did you know that the only thing that horse lover aggiesjc ate all day was sugar cubes directly from your palms?...Suddenly, all hell breaks loose...Hungryeyes is crying, Darlene is applying a fresh coat of lip balm and in walks... Ira...False alarm...Eric, Jim and their wives were able to slip in unnoticed until Susanna called and said that she saw them on the webcam...At that point, Kathy cried and apologized profusely for not giving her special guests a big welcome...She apologized for close to an hour until Eric, graciously held her head under water for 35 minutes...No doubt this would improve her singing later on...Once Eric was there, I started to play all Raspberries music...About 7:30, the cops came..."What was all the racket about"?...Bernie explained that it was Eric Carmen's birthday and the officer asked if he could stay awhile..."Sure"...In honor of Eric, the policeman came over to me and requested,Layla, followed by Lay Down Sally, Badge, I Shot THe Sherrif and Sunshine of Your Love...(To tell you the truth, I was kind of relieved that the cop thought it was Clapton...I was really sick of playing Raspberries songs and was waiting for anybody else to walk through the door so I could swictch to their music...David Gates,Freddy Fender,Singing Nun,Flying Nun,Hamilton,Joe Frank and Reynolds,Wang OR Chung, I didnt care... Finally Jim Bonfanti stepped up and told the policeman that there was a mistake that this was Eric Carmen not Eric Clapton...The officer asked Jim who he was and he replied "I'm Jim Bonfanti,The Drummer"...Well, the cop grabbed a copy of the "Starting Over" CD that I had just started to play, scanned the back of it and took out a pair of handcuffs and slapped them on Jim..."Your under arrest for impersonating a Rasperry"(Evidently, in New Jersey, you cannot impersonate a fruit...It stems from the time Richard Simmons was in town and was sweating but there were no oldies being played)...Once Barb saw her husband handcuffed, she leaped into action, she went to the car for some whips and whipped cream...Bail was set at $25 dollars and Dianed and I graciously ripped open all of our wedding envelope money until we got to $25 dollars and Jim was released in time for the birthday cake ceremony...(Actually, there was 3 extra dollars in the wedding cache whuch we later gave to Raspyrock to stop singing karaoke...Not that he was bad, but I would rather have heard a Mormon Tabernacle Choir of Hand Puppets singing in Chinese)...Oh yeah, the birthday cake, once the candles were lit, it seemed to set off a 60's moment. Marlene ripped off her bra and held it over the candle until it burned and Kiwi took the New Zealand flag off the wall and burned it also,,,(I explained that it was the American Flag that they used to burn, but she reminded me that they did everything backwards back home)...Dennis Ferrante seemed to be having a good time t when things, sadly took a turn for the worse as he spent the better half of the last two hours of the party trying to convince people that he was the illegitimate son of Vic Damone...Some very special speeches then, took place...I announced to a stunned crowd that the wedding was off and that I was now a free man...Immediately, the women got in line for the numbered wristbands for their turn at Lew...(Out of consideration for Eric's special day, I cut the wristbands off at #100... I promise all those with wristbands that I will accomadate them and when I'm finished, I will start the process again next week(Hey, I know...I AM getting a little older)...Ira gave a very heartfelt speech and even started to cry at which point, his wife, called him a "wussy" and got into the wrisband line...Karaoke time...I guess I was wrong about it to some degree...To hear Eric and Yoko, oops ,Kathy sing was very cool...I was REALLY impressed...No Joke...Complete with Tommy Tunes head cymbals...I'm glad you guys talked me into it...It was the kind of moment that was truly as inspirational as any concert highlight...If Heather Mills was there, I bet she would have taken her leg off and passed it around the crowd...But what followed was a whole different ballgame...Bernie sang-"Say You, Say Me, Sayerville" while Dianed sang the old Marcie Blaine number" I Wanna Be Lew Bundles Girl"...True to form though, Karaoke ended about 5 minutes later with Tommy Tunes and Kathy's duet "Summerlovin" which preceeded a mass exodus to the Jersey Turnpike"All in all, I had a great time...Thanks to all who made this a great night and I know that Sugarbabi was looking down and having a soda in her shoppe celebrating along with all of us... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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