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Harem Talk..


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..is a new thread brought to you by James (that's me).

I've been working on this for months, and you might say this is the first episode, kind of an introductary episode.

I forsee "Harem Talk" as being in the spirit of other classic EC.Com threads such as "Word Association", "Name That Baseball Player", "Continue The Story" and my alltime favorite that never made it past the pilot:

"ARE THEY REAL, OR NOT?? - Ask Tony Cartmill "

Anyway, guys with harem problems will chime in, guys looking to form harems, girls in harems, girls looking to join harems etc etc etc.

Anything harem goes.

Subjects that I forsee being discussed include:

1. A fella might run into a situation, where one of the members of his harem can't clip his toenails without getting in the way of the TV Set (this is a common problem, and can be very irritating).

I forsee this fella networking here on Harem Talk, asking advice from other fellas that have encountered this problem, and who thus can share remedial success stories.

2. A male might have a member of his harem facing retirement (19 year old mandatory retirement in the case of The James Harem), and needs to recruit a replacement.

"Harem Talk" would be an ideal place to network for this purpose. As an aside, chicks that have dumped Hollies have been excellent recruiting grounds for The James Harem (The James Harem puts a high premium on chicks with wisdom).

I may even from time to time share some experiences I've had in The James Harem.

Like the one back in the 70s when Chris Evert refused to show up for Wimbledon, because she was afraid she'd miss her "night with James". She was also paranoid (rightly so in this case) that Carling Bassett was conspiring to take her place in The James Harem.

Oh lands, chicks can be so labor intensive! Just the memory of that drama makes me tired..

Anyway, I guess I really see "Harem Talk" as being a public resource, kind of a free public service.

It's my (James') way of giving back to the community, that has done so much for me.


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Oh my "Sweet Baby James" pray is my command" - How to be sub-

missive, but sexy 24/7.

3. "Talk Harem to me" - How to whisper "sultry

sayings" shocked to drive your Sheik or Harem Master

wild every time...

4. How to dress for success the "Harem Harlot" eye


5. Man-pleasing skills, including exclusive

training from my personal best seller: "How

to Please Your Man in 60 seconds... Or 60

Minutes" (Whatever comes first). :P

6. How to survive (and thrive) Harem living

without resorting to violence. Motto: "Share

and share alike".

I see that you are continuing to have problems with TV viewing and toenail clipping.

I've included a "sneak peak" to our "stripper- pole training video ":


Hopefully, this video will provide a satisfactory solution to your common problem. Our "Harem Babe" members have reported hanging upside down on the pole (above the view of the TV) and either using their teeth or traditional clippers, (depending on the "pole prowess" of the individual), for a private "pedicure party". Using this method, many Harem Masters have reported increased pleasure during toenail clipping, and a subsequent decreased need for channel flipping. A few of our clinical trial participants have actually reported the added benefit of a substantial decrease in the attachment to their remote control... (Some even forgot the fact that they even had a TV in the room)!

I hope our club and its members can offer a continual resource to "The James Harem, Inc".

We'd like to include your harem to our lengthy list of satisfied customers. wink

If myself or any of our members may be of service to your noble cause, please contact me.

I'll be waiting in breathless anticipation until the next installment of "Harem Talk"...

As always, keepin' it "spicy-sweet",

Elle, President, "Naughty, but Nice Spice Girl's Club"

BTW: Are these type of threads supposed to go to the Cartoon World psych forum? (I don't want to offend anyone.)

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Gosh Muzz, a Chaplain would be great!

And it'd be good business for you to network here at Harem Talk. With all the marryin going on, you ought to pick up a Chaplain gig or two, I'm sure of it.

And harem weddings are really good Chaplain business. Harems have economies of scale. That might be too technical a term for most, but what I mean is you can charge per harem member, but only have to officiate one ceremony!!

It's a great deal!!

Golly, the more I think about it, the more I realize that Harem Talk is fertile ground for the Chaplain business.

You may have hit a goldmine Muzz!

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And Elle, while your post was enjoyed by James (James appreciates quality creativity) this "Naughty But Nice" Chick club arrgh ... sounds dangerous.

You see, large groups of "healthy" chicks make in-demand males like James nervous. Just ask Elvis and the Beatles.

While Elvis and the Beatles "at-risk for being mauled by large groups of healthy chicks" status was less than James', they have a feel for what I'm talking about.


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Tim, don't be too hard on your ex-wife. That's what wives are for - to restrict husbands from doing the things they enjoy. I admire them really, they do a great job at that.

As an example Tim, just look at Muzz's above post. Muzz is saving face (a husband thing) by pretending he can't attend Harem Talk because of foggy glasses. When in reality we know that it was Kiwi that banned him from Harem Talk. Don't tell anyone though, husbands like to think they are in control, and do what they want.

Hopefully though Muzz will be able to sneak onto Harem Talk while Kiwi is watching a soap opera, or other stuff wives do.

And Shelley, I could let your post go to my head, but I know it's just a function of your gender's genetic makeup to worship James. Though I do like you a bunch in return.. wink

HT, some men look for those things you mentioned. But The James Harem (my harem) is above that. The two main qualities we at The James Harem look for in James Harem prospects are beer fetchin speed, and toenail clipping skills.

For instance take Cindy Crawford as an example. She is a champion of both toenail clipping, and beer fetching, and thus her admittance into The James Harem. She trained hard, and has received her just reward. It's just coincidental that she and some of the other James Harem members (Juliette Binoche, Sophie Marceau, Hillary etc etc) are world class beauties.

And Tony my on fire witty buddy, I'm not familiar with that female you mentioned. I'll have to go through The James Harem's turned down applications from the 80s..I'm sure if she's hot she applied at one time or another.

James out.. smart

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