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Losing the Love of your life


Julie

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Dear friends,

I can't begin to tell you all how hard the last several weeks have been. The reality of losing my darling, precious husband just really, really sucks.

I waited so long for him to come into my life and we had such a beautiful life together--full of passion, friendship, laughter, and so much love. He died 3 weeks before our 3rd anniversary. His birthday was yesterday. He would have been 46. Wow, that is just way too young.

My wonderful brother-in-law passed away last Saturday. He was only 52 and had been battling ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease) for the past 10 years. His wake was held on his Bday--April 29 and the funeral was on my husbands Bday--April 30. Certainly not the way any of us wanted to celebrate their birthdays.

Now, I am at my mom and dad's so I can attend the funeral of my 1st cousin who also died last Saturday. He was 60. When it rains, it pours.

I'm trying so hard to remain positive and upbeat, yet everyday seems to bring pain. I have such beautiful memories, but they just make me sad. We did everything together, so now I am just so incredibly lonely.

I know he's in Heaven and that is such a comfort. I am relieved that he did not suffer. I'm jealous because I am stuck here on earth without him. Guess I'm really having a pity party tonight.

I guess none of us is ever really ready to say goodbye to those we love. I don't have any regrets--other than our time here together was too short. We spent our last evening together cuddling on the couch and expressing our deep love and affection to each other. I told him how much I respected and cherished him and he told me all the sweet things that a wife wants to hear. I just miss him so much.......

I do thank my dear friends who sent me words and expressions of sympathy and prayers. It really meant a lot. It touched my heart deeply.

My husband died of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy--it's "sudden death"--like athletes get. I am thankful that he did not suffer for 10 years like my dear brother-in-law did. I am so thankful for my wonderful family and my 3 beautiful step daughters.

Blessings,

Julie

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Julie,

My prayers are with you, I'm so sorry for your losses. I commend you for looking at the positives (like he didn't suffer), which can be hard to do at times like this. I'm glad you have a wonderful last memory of your time together to remember. All I can say is prayer works! My best to you, Julie.

Sherry

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Julie, I don't know what to say. I am so glad that your family is there to support you at this tragic time. Always remember that your family here is always available if you need a shoulder or two to lean on. God bless and I'll say a prayer for you and your departed ones this evening.

Reid

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Julie...You are living proof of the quote "these are the times that try men's souls"...There is no explanation and there is no escape for the pain that your heart must endure, for it is that very heart that is the weakest and yet the strongest of all our resources...Its sanitizes or condemns our very souls and thoughts... It guides our spirits to a conclusion at its own pace and its own avenue...But, it seems to abandon us at these tempestuous times...All you can do, is try to let the warmth and comfort of your loved ones keep your heart filled with some semblance of balance and pray that, eventually, the fires that once burned within will again start with the littlest of spark and begin to melt away the numbness, sadness and dispair that engulfs you...You can do it...You must make a vow to yourself that this will not break you...Find a modicum of distraction in any activity that you enjoy for it is the very tonic that will help you reconnect with yourself...The mind can be easily deceived, but the heart is the true messenger of faith...And Julie, your heart is one of love and compassion...Thats why you found love in the first place...It is only a matter of time before your heart reconciles with your spirit and you shall love again...

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Julie, you are NOT having a pity party...you are grieving and feeling your beloved's physical absence. It hurts and is overwhelming but it is a very healthy way to express how you're feeling. The other way - to go through your days like a robotic empty shell - makes the acute feelings of loss last longer.

Your post is a touching love letter to your husband and I am honored to be reading it.

Like Lew said (and so beautifully) you can do it and we'll be here for you any time.

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Julie,

Just as AnniekNY, I too feel priveledged to be reading your heart wrenching letter. My heart hurts for you it's reminds me to make sure that I tell my husband and girls that I love them everyday. You've been through the most unimaginable tragedies and still have an amazing heart of gold.

We all love you and will be here whenever you need us.

Beth

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Julie, there is not pity involved in shock and grief. The human spirit just cannot make a quick transition after losing those that are close to us --- especially in rapid succession. We need that time to spend reeling and lost, we need the time to turn to others for support, and we need the time to figure out what to do next and how to do it. You're dealing with you emotions SO MUCH better than many people do... including me. When I lost my mother I was rock solid. I didn't cry, I didn't look back, I never missed a beat. Everyone said how well I held together. Four months later out of the blue in the middle of a store it felt like a wrecking ball demolished me and I honestly had no idea why! You have good insight, Julie, and are doing magnificently under impossible circumstances! Just keep sharing with us and keep holding on one day at a time.

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Julie,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine the emotional turmoil and emptiness you’re feeling.

When you lose someone so close to you, someone on whom you relied on for emotional and material wellbeing, something inside you goes with the cherished person who has reposed. A part of your heart is torn out. Facing a loss reminds you of life's fragility—that no one is immune to heartbreak.

There is no time clock to indicate the completion of your grieving process. I don’t believe we actually get over grief; we just learn to live with it, just as we choose to go on living. Grieving is a process, not an event. Give yourself time and compassion, just as you would a friend. When you allow yourself to grieve, you are moving toward a renewed sense of meaning and purpose in your life. Perhaps it would be a good idea to seek out a bereavement group at your local church to help you along with this process.

I pray that you are given the strength you need to get through this. May you find some comfort in your memories.

Diane

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Julie,

I agree with Diane. Everyone grieves differently and for different periods of time. Allow yourself all the time you need. No words can ever take your pain away, but, hopefully, knowing that others care and feel that pain with you will get you through.

May the days to come contain more sunshine than rain for you!

Barb

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Julie-I don't think I can say anything more than is already been said, but you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Allow yourself time to work through everything you've been through. Know that we are always here for you. We know how much you loved your husband, and how short a time you had together. And with your other losses, you've had so much to bear. Hug the ones you love, and we will do the same. heartpump

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Thank you all so very much! Your compassion and caring is truly inspiring and heart-warming to me! I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful, support system in my life.

My best friend (since we were 5!) and I went shopping last night. That was good. She is alone too. She lived with her dad and he passed away in November, so we're going through something similar.

Some days are better than others--some moments are easier than others. I do have some good news--fabulous news!!! My oldest step-daughter just found out she is going to have a baby! She is due December 12 (her dad died March 12--9 months!) This is something to really look forward too! I am so thankful that my 3 girls and I have such a good relationship! We really need each other now!

Again, I thank you all--words cannot say how much I appreciate all of you. Such touching and moving thoughts.

Love and Blessings,

Julie

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Julie,

I'm sure your husband is very proud of the courage you show during this adversity. Take your time and don't rush the healing process.

How wonderful to hear that you'll be celebrating a new life!! That little one will surely need your guidance and support - how fortunate that child will be to have you in his/her life.

Anne

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