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Lew Bundles...Press Conference


Lew Bundles

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Sorry King Lewie, I'm on my first "Gub-ment" job vacation with GW down at the Texas Ranch.

2 days work, 5 days vacation...That's what my "Gubment" union negotiated with the lib politicians.

When does my automatic cost-of-living raise kick in?

Ooops gotta go. GW and Cheney invited me hunting, and bought me a new deer costume for Halloween...

I'll check in next week. cool

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Crouton..

Hey Lew, it's me, James. Sorry I've been away for a couple days but I've been tied up (and haven't slept in 3 days) with work pertaining to the original purpose of this thread:

To determine which EC.Com members need to be purged.....for life. .

My assistants and I have been poring over posts by all EC.Com members from the last couple years. When determining whether to purge a member, we asked ourselves only one question: Does this EC.Com member acknowledge Lew is a god...and greater than Zeus? If the answer was no, it's our opinion that they must be purged...for life.

We concluded that most members of EC.Com are rational, and thus DO accept that Lew is a god...and greater than Zeus. But there were some exceptions:

Bessieboo - while Bessieboo is definately guilty of blasphemy against Lew, there is no need to purge her. The Florida Attorney General will do the job for us. It was apparent, after reading through her posts, that she runs a household of enslaved males (which is prevalent in the U.S... but still against the law)...she runs a household of male slaves...who pander to her every need (carry her up & down the steps in one of those Cleopatra traveling-carriage-things... arrgh ...keep her cool by fanning her all day with coconut palms... arrgh ...etc etc etc. You guys don't know it, but James (that's me) is dating Janet Reno LuvLove ... and when we went on our late night hand holding feet tickling beach walk last night...I told her about Bessie's household of male slaves. Janet assured me she'd pass the information on to the Attorney General. Recommendation: Purge

Kathy - one of my assistants spotted a post (or maybe 2) where it was not clear that Kathy accepted Lew as a god....greater than Zeus. While I know that Kathy is not guilty, and has accepted Lew as god, I needed to convince this overly zealous assistant. So, I got to think'n, and I referred him to Kathy's Simpsons hourglass figure eek ... caricature thing. Just as I expected, the horny assistant came back starry eyed, in love etc etc...recommended that Kathy stay....and now he even has posters of Hourglass Simpson Kathy all over his office walls.. confused

Dianed - while she showed very good taste in applying to join the James Harem (though I still feel bad that her application was rejected)..her applying was still an act of insubordination to Lew...and now we question her acceptance of Lew as god...and greater than Zeus. Recommendation: Purge

Darlene, HT from Mo, Marlene, Kiwi Connection - have shown an inordinate interest in the different hair styles of Eric Carmen. This caused us to conclude they may (even if there is only a slight possibility) think more of Eric Carmen... than of Lew.

Recommendation: Purge , Purge, Purge and Purge

Elton John (lurker), Boy George (lurker), Liberace (spirit lurker), Tony Carmill - Sometimes no explantions are necessary. Recommendation: Group Purge

That about does it, Lew. Other than the above misguided souls, you've pretty much got the EC.Com messageboard wrapped around your little finger..

Glad to be of service,

James

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Crouton...James, my man...Although, I may not agree with all your assesments, I am glad to see that you are on the job...We dont need to agree...If we both thought the same way, I wouldnt need you...All great teams argue(except for Barbie and Ken)...Look at Martin and Lewis, Martini and Rossi, even Tic and Tac had to bring in an arbitrator(Toe)...But, am I am being led to believe that the other examples of servitude(the aggiesjc and Trindy's of the world are all acceptable?)...All in all, good work...I am proud of you, unlike the freeloading Cartmill and the faux mountie Marvin...Are you ready to take on their responsibilities also?...Please, James...Consider that it is a lonely world at the top or can you be satisfied with this feast of femininity that I have trusted you to sample for me?...Eagerly awaiting your response and PURGE #2...

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Crouton..

Lew, overpurging can result in passing the point of diminishing returns (see Mao and Stalin)..

The rest of the board worships you ...and can be put to productive use for the Lew Regime. At this point it would be counter-productive to purge them. Just watch them very closely...and when they stray, it's easy, you just HenryVIII them .... spin .

As for Kiwi stalking you...well I can see that that is a problem, and I'm still mulling over a solution. It's touchy as she is Muzz's roommate . And as Spiritual Advisor, Muzz is important to the Lew Regime (though I'm vexed at his impotence re: midweek miracles.. arrgh ). ..anyway, you don't want to alienate him.

To stay in power, you will eventually have to brainwash the message-board masses (shouldn't be too hard, ask Eric Carmen wink ) ...and a good religious person in the cabinet will be indispensible here..

I might need some time to figure this one out though. The James Harem Director is out with the flu and I'm having to pick up the slack (taking requests by the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to join the James Harem; when a herd of weight watcher chicks (before the weight has come off)goes on a field trip to James' abode, having to keep them from stampeding into James' private quarters and mauling him.. arrgh , etc etc etc).

The James Harem Director job is tougher than I thought, I really ought to increase the pay...

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Crouton...HT...THAT'S ENOUGH...You are now purged from this thread, per James recommendation and Lew's authority...Dont try to post...If you do, you are putting yourself in jeopardy with James...There WILL come a time when you will want your application to the Harem reviewed and continuing to "Minnow" your chances does not sit well with us...

James, the novel idea may not be a bad concept...We might be able to kill two birds with one stone...When the pre-weight watching fat chicks are bothering you, you can have a "decoy" James somewhere, reading a newspaper, with the column you wrote,"DEAR FLABBY", in full view...Couple this with a smoke machine that eminates and replicates "French Fry" smell...These two tactics will keep them occupied while you are away, evaluating the true talent...

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Good ideas, Lew. I'll pass them on to the James Harem Director. It's nice to get some support once in a while. I'm ussually the one who has to do all the think'n on this messageboard.. frown

And maybe we ought to let HT, and the other married chicks on this messageboard continue to come on and attempt harassment. You know, while their venom is sincere, it is without punch. And I bet their husbands are really happy to get rid of them for a while. With their wives away, it let's the husbands do the things they love, but are never allowed to do (sitting down for 5 minutes without being called lazy, getting a word in during a conversation, picking their scabs, farting within 5 miles of their house etc etc). And besides, Eric Carmen would probably be glad to get a break from these chicks constantly stalking him.

It would be a big sacrifice, but would do good for our fellow man .

A servant to humanity? I can be no other.

I must be off for a spell to take care of my job of World Savior (they've got Abe Lincoln down here training me for my next project: The worldwide emancipation of husbands.. confused ).

Will be back as soon as possible.

kingking

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Obviously you don't think too hard since your grammar and spelling aren't up to par.

As for husbands, mine is usually in the same room with me while I'm on the board.

Now your job as "World Savior" is that your world you're trying to save?

Saving husbands from what? Are you speaking from experience as a husband? Hmmm.... confused

The female fans here appreciate more that Eric's good looks. We appreicate that he's such a thoughtful, considerate and caring guy. Which is more than I can say for a couple of board members - who shall remain nameless....

BTW, James take your time coming back we'll all be fine.

HT

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Very interesting James...

The problem with your thinking is first there is NO Way to keep a man, any man from farting within five miles of their homes. Hence the rarity of spontaneous combustion.

Many men are never called lazy. None of the men in my household are ever lazy.

I have no ideas about your scab issues. crazy

As for EC's stalking problem, while I do love his music, he is in no danger from any of the "married chicks" on this board. We are quite satisfied in our marriage's and relationships.

While I do appreciate the genus and complexity of EC's music. EC's music only allows us to cast a more loving eye on the men in our real lives.

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Very interesting James...

The problem with your thinking is first there is NO Way to keep a man, any man from farting within five miles of their homes. Hence the rarity of spontaneous combustion.

Many men are never called lazy. None of the men in my household are ever lazy.

I have no ideas about your scab issues. crazy

As for EC's stalking problem, while I do love his music, he is in no danger from any of the "married chicks" on this board. We are quite satisfied in our marriage's and relationships.

While I do appreciate the genus and complexity of EC's music. EC's music only allows us to cast a more loving eye on the men in our real lives.

Maybe this is contributing to global warming?
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I'm back from my "Gub-ment" paid vacation. However, I'm not sure I can help much.

You see, while on vacation, I became somewhat depressed. After reading Sir James' novel, "Casanova Ain't Got Nuthin' On Me", I realized I was underachieving in my own boring life. So, my "Gubment' paid psychologist said I could take some paid "stress leave" from my job in Lew's cabinet, and try to figure out why I only have 2 mistresses, while James and Lew have many more. (And that's not even counting those little trophy male interns that Lew has runing around in their underwear at his "Gubment" mansion)

So, I'm gonna take some paid "stress leave" time off. I'll help you guys when I can...

But don't try to "PURGE" me, because my "Gubment"-union-negotiated contract says you can't touch my job, no matter what I do (or don't do), as long as I don't sexually harrass any trans-gender co-workers, minorities or homeless people.

God Bless America and "Gubment" jobs.

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A farting woman??!!... LuvLove

I will immediately direct the James Harem Director to expand the James Harem's recruiting region to include the Phillipines..

And besides, I think Bora Bora (The James Harem's primary recuiting ground) is just downstream a bit..

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