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Lew Bundles...Press Conference


Lew Bundles

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Many of our affiliates did not carry the press conference live: therefore I will give you the highlights...

QUESTION: Now that you have been appointed moderator, what changes can we look forward to?

LEW: We will try to make this as seamless a transition as possible...I have outlined some of the major changes:

#1-PAY TO POST...We will be instituting a "Pay To Post" mandate on the board...All the money collected will be used to fund transportation to future Raspberries reunion concerts...Any needy registered fans can apply for the grant...We will start the "PAY FOR POST" program on a trial basis with MARVIN,DARLENE,AGGIESJC and PAULIEMISSISSIPPI(They are a natural starting point since they are the most frequent posters)...The charge will be 1 cent per letter and invoices will be sent out at the end of the month with checks to be made out to "Lew Bundles" within the next billing cycle.

#2-NEW TOPIC HEADINGS...We will create new thought provoking headings which are sure to stimulate discussion during Raspberriesless periods...(Topics, therefore will remain up for 30 years at a time)...Examples of topics...

A.) The American Indian-From Navajo to Patel.

B.) Driving through the Ahmish country with your lights off.

C.) Everybody "Wang Chunging" this evening?

#3-WAB attendance will be by invitation only...NO EXCEPTION...(While we appreciate Jim,Eric and the crew's participation, please, dont attend unless you are formally invited by me)..."NO INVITATION,NO PARTICIPATION"...(P.S....The name of the event will now be changed to "WEEKEND AT BUNDLES"...This gives us the ability to still sell the WAB memoribilia that Kathy has slated for next years event)...

Other changes will not seem so obvious...For instance, manoman will now be referred to as "boyoboy"...

Everyone's second favorite singer will now be Desi Arnaz...

All posts must begin with the word "Crouton"...(You will not be charged for this)...

QUESTION: How about the new Cabinet members that you had alluded to in previous posts?

LEW: I'm glad you asked that,Bim...

All selections are on a 30 day, trial based, appointment basis...

Here are my appointees:

Sec.of Foreign Affairs-MARVIN...He wil keep track of all foreigners on the board and report to me when they are having affairs...Since Marvin is an alien, I believe he is the most qualified to monitor suspicious activity in our immigrant posters...So be it, Kumiko,wmvririezen,Captain Harlock or JuliaAllByMyself, BEWARE...Marvin will be watching you...(P.S....Kiwi and Muzza are married...They are immune unless they start to philander with another...)

Sec. of Secretaries...JAMES...By the way he has been able to ,suavely, take LEWISA away from me, I trust his judgement in hot women...Since I will need a Secretary, James will scour the board for the lady with the highest credentials to adorn Lew's lap and take dictation...(Sorry Kathy and aggiesjc, you will have to audition for James before you ever get to my lap again)...I had cosidered Bob Allen for the job, but the thought of a female BEA ARTHUR type firmly entreched in my saddle did not present a viable attraction...Dianed has passed on the first option...Threfore, ladies, get your resumes into James as quickly as possible...

Secretary of the Interior...Tony Cartmill...He will be in charge of ridding this kingdom of village idiots...I will give him a starter list of possible candidates and see how Tony justifies their idiocy or lack thereof...The initial list-

Raspyrock

HT from Mo

BeatleJay

AnneG

Marlene

Mind you, I am not claiming that any of these people are village idiots...I want to see Tony's grading method and will make the proper decision from there...This is strictly a trial list...

Court Jester...Tommy Tunes...Since it is not comical to see what is happening to him, I want him to be able to start looking for the funny side of all situations...TT, start finding humor and good times in anything you want as quickly as you heart allows...

SPRITUAL ADVISOR...Muzza(obvious)

That about wraps up my preliminary findings...

I will be away from my computer for the next couple of weeks while I finish my move into the Sayreville complex...On that note, I'd like to thank Bernie for all that he has done for us here at EC.com and I'm sure that he will land on his feet somewhere...As soon as you find a new place to live Bern, let us know so we can get your honorary invitation to the WAB mailed out to your new address...

Thanks everyone for your support, LEW

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If I can get through Customs on October 12th, I'll be on hand to tackle all suspicious aliens at the 'berries' NYK shows.

Of course the last time I was at U.S. Customs trying to explain to the official what show I was going to see, he said, "Ah yes, the Traveling Raspberries..."

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Crouton - can I apply now for the grant for future shows? Will I have to pay an application fee and City, State and County taxes as well? Are you going to make us provide certified financial statements, tax returns, at least 4 persons who we are acquainted with but are not relatives? Will a credit check to run on us? What about hidden fees and costs? And the biggest question I have is.... Will we get a personally autographed color photo of Lew Bundles along with the grant application?

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Jeez Lew, I'm here to serve you so I must speak frankly.

I see problems with your plans as regards me "working out" your bimbo/lap-dance secretary prospects... and then passing them on to you.

First, when the chicks of the world get wind, they will ALL apply ... just to get a shot at James... arrgh . And while I like to spread good cheer to the lesser talenteds of the world (chicks), I don't have time as I've been putting a lot of time into my job (World Savior)..

But secondly, and more importantly, I'd be doing a disservice to you if I test out the chicks and pass on the winners to you. Chicks don't like to go from prime-rib (James) to hot-dog (Lew). And thus I forsee major attitude problems in your secretaries .

Best if you have a lesser human than James (Tony, Marvin, Kyle Vincent, Eric Carmen etc.. (there's plenty to pick from on this board wink ))...best to have THEM test out the chicks. Then you would for sure be put in a more favorable light.

Gosh, I'm always think'n..

Glad to serve,

James

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But secondly, and more importantly, I'd be doing a disservice to you if I test out the chicks and pass on the winners to you. Chicks don't like to go from prime-rib (James) to hot-dog (Lew).

It must be nice to live inside that little fantasy place in your mind !! confused
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Hi Dianed..

I'm sorry the James Harem Director had to turn down your application to join the James Harem. I was told it had nothing to do with you not being qualified.(though I suspect you're over 19 and that would have caused problems).

No, the reason you were turned down is that when our due diligence team investigated you, they found a first lien had already been filed on your person....by no other than an entity named "Lew.Bundles".. confused

So, being a loyal servant to Lew, The James Harem could not in good conscience gobble up any more of his chick property..

I hope this makes you feel better..

smart

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