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Music and the M word (Marriage)


LC

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So, I have this theory: The more music you have in common with your spouse/significant other, the better the marriage/relationship.

There are exceptions, I know, but it just seems from people I know (including me) that if your spouse digs the same music you do, then you always have this nice, common bond. You might pick out the "right" CDs together, get pumped up about the same concerts, and get excited when you hear "Ticket to Ride" or "I've Just Seen a Face." It's a nice mutual interest.

Music "compatibility" even helps you get through hard times: You might be in the midst of WWIII with your wife/husband when the big U2 or Springsteen concert comes up, and suddenly you're out having a great time. It helps get you past the speed bumps.

On the other hand, if you're "sailing separate oceans" musically, you tend to lose your tunes, so to speak. You might listen politely to James Taylor yet again, or Kelly Clarkson once or twice, but ultimately, you're not "connecting" with it. And your wife doesn't understand why you listen to the same CDs over and over (and over) again. If you simply don't like the music your spouse likes and vice versa, you start "tolerating" each others' tunes less and less as the years go on.

Meanwhile, you find that you look forward to time alone in your office, or going for a drive, so you can crank up Starting Over or Pet Sounds or "Like a Hurrican" live. If your spouse is in the car, no dice. It ain't gonna happen.

Again, there are exceptions. And you can't like all the same things. But musical "commonality" in a relationship is a nice bonus, don't you think?

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I agree. My wife and I both love the same 70's pop we grew up with. ABBA, Barry, Neil (saw him last year in concert!), Partridge Family, Bee Gees, BCR, and the list goes on. Our Road Trip bag is filled with those.

Where we diverge is my love of Rush, Van Halen, Iron Maiden, Dio, Black Sabbath, RHCP, etc...

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You know, I was thinking just now about what you said, Tony... If my wife and I ever had "a song," it was probably "Groovy Kind of Love" (the Phil Collins version--yikes) in the early 1990s, right after we met. There's no accounting for taste when Cupid strikes. :-)

I don't think we've had "a song" since then.... Maybe "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around"? Or, on a more somber note, Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me (If You Don't)." Sad, huh?

--Larry

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At our daughter's wedding last year she had a special dance dedicated just for her father and me --- In My Life. Our other special songs are You're Still The One (by Orleans) and My Best Friend (by Queen).

I've always been the classic rock and pop music type. John has always preferred the heavier stuff. I got him to listen to Rod Stewart and he got me to listen to Beatles but I still won't convert to Emerson, Lake, and Palmer.

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Larry, absolutely true. Music was the first thing my husband and I bonded over (and all this time you thought it was rotisserie baseball smilie

In fact, one of the first things he did when we became friends, was inviting me over to listen to records. (He couldn't use the old "come up to see my etchings" line since we both knew he didn't have a drop of talent in that area.) Our tastes do often differ (he was less than thrilled when I dragged him on separate occassions to see Joan Jett and Southside Johnny, even though both concerts were free), but our 45 cases peacefully co-exist side by side in the foyer.

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I dunno about this theory. My ex and I "liked the same music, we liked the same bands, we liked the same clothes...." Unfortunately, in the end we didn't like each other. My current wife (of 17 years) and I don't have a whole lot in common with regards to music, although she did go with me to see the Figgs last Saturday night...and she liked them. But we at least like each other.

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LC, I think youre onto something. Its probably best to hand out a questionaire at the time a couple begins dating. If a woman didnt know who Brian Wilson or Burt Bacharach was, I would have grave concerns. On the other hand, this could be balanced out by a deep fondness for "All By Myself" and " Rainy Days and Mondays." So it would be a difficult questionaire to score. Interests in Megadeath, Poison, and Motley Crew, while not necessarily the foundation for future marriage, could be the source for an interesting and long romantic weekend. So its all rather complicated.

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My ONLY fond memory of my ex-wife was our mutual fondness for Southside Johnny and seeing Springsteen show up at " Southside" show in a theater in Red Bank, N.J. to play for an hour after many people left thinking the show was over.I guess we shared other music too.She kept my -then current- vinyl collection.Sometimes I guess you need more than music in common to make it work. (Or maybe LC is right and the reason for our marriage's demise is that she was fakin' her love of Brian Wilson.-Ira.)

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Well, I wasn't saying music is all you need to make a marriage work.... I said it can be an indicator of how it's working, and that it's a nice bonus if you're on the same page. In fact, my last line was:

"Musical 'commonality' in a relationship is a nice bonus, don't you think?"

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When my wife and I met, the only artists she listened to was Barry Manilow, REO Speedwagon, and Styx (not that that's a bad thing). I eventually got her into Elton, Billy Joel, Beach Boys, Bruce, Buffett and others. After 25 years of resisting ,I finally got her to enjoy The Who!!

Now, if I could only get her to like The Doors!...

Jeff

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When my wife and I met, the only artists she listened to was Barry Manilow, REO Speedwagon, and Styx (not that that's a bad thing). I eventually got her into Elton, Billy Joel, Beach Boys, Bruce, Buffett and others. After 25 years of resisting ,I finally got her to enjoy The Who!!

Now, if I could only get her to like The Doors!... spin

Jeff

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LC... dont be too serious here, we're just trying to laugh!

Oops. Sorry, R-wine. I didn't mean to sound so deadpan there.... I was just thinking that my point was missed; I'm usually not so serious. Seriously! Ask SugarB, Kathy, and the fantasy baseball gang....

(Maybe I was still worked up about our war over in the Raspberries.net thread!) :-)

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While I'm here, lemme toss out this anecdote (at the risk of name-dropping, which I don't mean to do; it's just a neat memory):

In the mid-1980s, I was interviewing "the Piano Man," Billy Joel, for a magazine feature. He was talking about then-current songs he liked, and I remember him saying he really, really dug Phil Collins' "Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)." I remember thinking, "Hmmm..." Then he said, "Christie [brinkley] and I were driving up through New England and it came on the radio, and we just kind of looked at each other during the line [singing] 'You're the only one who ever knew me at all,' and we got kind of choked up...."

Pretty sentimental, huh? I was just a little surprised that they split up shortly after that. I guess a song ain't always enough of a bond.... Anyway, that comment has stuck with me all these years, so I thought I'd share it here, since it relates to this thread.

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And then there are others who use music to torture each other.<evil smirk> I used to sing to to my husband, "I need a lover who won't drive me crazy." He used to sing back, "You may be right. I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for!" What one earth do you say to that!!! He always wins the lyric wars.

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I am 50 and my wife is 26 so we are naturally going to like different musical forms smile

What is interesting is that her tastes are eclectic. She loves "16 tons" by Tenn Ernie Ford and can listen to show tunes all day long. But there is also the top 40 stuff of today...which I never listen to.

The marriage is great despite the musical differences!

Tom

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