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The Worst Song...Ever.


Bob Allen

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This must be why I have no gold records on my wall...

I like:

Ebony & Ivory

Moonlight Feels Right

Anything by Rupert Holmes

Afternoon Delight

Ben

Feelings

Never Been To Me

Can't Fight This Feeling

Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast (love this tune!)

But maybe there's hope cuz on my worst of list:

Anything by Styx

Anything by Seger

Anything by Grateful Dead

Anything by Kiss (except Beth)

Anything by the Doobies

Anything by J.Geils

Anything by War

Lola

Louie Louie

Don't Worry Be Happy

Celebration (agg!)

Honey Pie

We Didn't Start The Fire (but The Stranger LP is GOD!)

Cars (the song..although the band don't do it for me either)

Electric Avenue

Start Me Up

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"Louie Louie"

OMG, how could this all-time classic be on anyone's "Worst" list??? (BTW, this question is coming from a good friend of Eric Predoehl, who's spent a great deal of the last 10 years of his life producing a documentary "The Meaning Of Louie," solely about this song! Details are available at www.octalouie.com. Eric spent a lot of time with the song's writer Richard Berry (RIP) during his last few years, as well as Jack Ely (Kingsmen), and other notables who've recorded the song. When he was last in Wash,DC, Eric went to the National Archives to do a lot of research...and found old FBI files/dossiers on the song, which, at one point in the 60's, was rumored to have obscene lyrics. At last count, Eric had about 200+ recorded versions of it. Hopefully, he'll finish the documentary during his lifetime....)

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30 years ago Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Sabbath, any of those 'serious' hard rock bands would have made my 'worst' list. Maybe I've become less discerning as I've grown older, 'cos now I can listen to SOME of those bands. Or maybe I just can't hear anymore.

Marv

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OK, I had to weigh in...

"Seasons in the Sun"...bad, truly bad, and we were subjected extra to it in my childhood because the easiest AM station to get in on our transistor radios in Lake County, Ohio at the time was CKLW from Windsor...chock-full of Canadian content...thus chock-full of Terry Jacks!

"Ebony and Ivory"...has to win one of the awards for "Worst Songs Ever Written By Good Songwriters." I mean, you expect people with no talent to write utter claptrap like this, but Macca and Stevie???? COME ON!!!! My favorite memory of the Joe Piscopo-Eddie Murphy version from SNL: "You are black, I am white/Life's an Eskimo Pie, let's take a bite..." THOSE lyrics were better than the real ones!

"I Just Called to Say I Love You": No one else has mentioned this but I think it takes another prize in the "Worst Songs Written By Good Songwriters" derby. I mean, how hard can it have been to write this one? Stevie essentially goes through all the holidays of the year, denying that he is calling because it is any one of these holidays (how hard can THAT be?). And the chorus: "I just called to say I love you/I just called to say how much I care/I just called to say I love you/And I mean it from the bottom of my heart." WHAT????? *I* could've written THAT! And it became a huge hit? Please, someone give me a pen and paper, I've got a hit song to write! "I love you on Sunday at the beginning of the week/I love you on Monday so much I can't speak/I love you on Tuesday when I'm taking a dump/I love you on Wednesday when I'm getting over the hump/I love you on Thursday when we're hanging out with the bums/I love you on Friday when the weekend comes/I love you on Saturday when I kiss your cheek/Oh yes, I love you every day of the week." And the chorus is "I love you every day of the week/Every month of the year/I love you every day of the week/And you know I really care." There! I wrote a hit song! Now will someone please record it? It'll make you millions, I guarantee. No, wait, I have to sign it "Stevie Wonder." There.

"Never Been to Me": Oh, this is one of the hands-down big winners, not only for the vocalizing and the blatant sexism (it's all about a sophisticated sexually experienced woman of the world wishing she could just settle down with a husband and kids and be a happy housewife) but because of the embarrassingly bad lyrics. "I've been undressed by kings and seen some things a woman ain't supposed to see." GAG!!!!!!!

"Honey"...If I have to tell you why this one is bad, you haven't heard it. More sickeningly sweet than the substance itself, and more cloyingly maudlin than anything else you will ever hear.

"Watching Scotty Grow"...No, wait, did I say there was no song more cloying than "Honey"? I was wrong. Mac Davis's sickeningly cute ode to his toddler son. "Me and God, watching Scotty grow!" Gag me again.

"Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me"...Not done with Mac Davis yet. Here he wins the prize for worst lyrics of all time with "Girl, you're a hot-blooded woman-child/And it's warm where you're touching me." SHUDDER!!!!!!

"Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast"...Eric is right...this one also deserves a special cloying award. I have special memories as to why I think this one is exceptionally bad that I won't go into here...but yeah, like any guy who's determined to leave his wife is going to turn around and COME BACK just because his daughter begs him to...yeah, and then I woke up!

"Convoy"...also agree with Eric on this one...what an annoying hit. The only good thing about this one was how SuperHost on the Saturday-afternoon movies on Channel 43 made a really cheesy "music video" out of it when it came out that he used to play all the time...one of those "so bad it was good" things.

"I Will Survive"...You'll be glad to know that despite being female, I don't shriek with joy whenever I hear this song. Nor, for that matter, do I do the "YMCA" moves when I hear that one either. But most women do seem to be genetically programmed to do just that.

"Ring My Bell" and "Knock on Wood"...I have special memories of these two baddies because they were two of the big hits when I graduated from high school...wherever I went when riding from graduation party to graduation party, these songs were on the radio...along with Donna Summer's dastardly duo, "Hot Stuff"/"Bad Girls." Yeesh.

"Ben"...yes, as Eric said, "a love song to a rat." Little did we know that some of Jacko's future objects of romantic interest would make us wish he'd go back to the rats! Please!!!!

"Abracadabra"...I'm with Marv on this one, another astoundingly badly written song, so badly written I could have done it. Repetitive lyrics, predictable rhymes...ouch. Let me try my hand at writing a new new lines for this one: "You're so magic, I can tell/I feel the magic where you dwell/I feel the magic in your heart/I hear the magic when you--"...eh, I'll leave it at that.

"Tom Sawyer"...pretty bad...wins just for the lyrics "Catch the spirit, catch the spit." I'd rather not catch the spit, thanks. But Rush makes up for it with "The Spirit of Radio," so what can I say? At least it wasn't "The Spit of Radio"!

"You're Having My Baby"...so bad, not much really needs to be said.

But my most hated amongst all songs not yet mentioned has to be...drum roll please...

..."Run Joey Run" by David Geddes! The heartwarming story of a guy who knocks up his girlfriend, then gets a phone call from her that her dad's headed over to his house with a gun. Oh no! Of course she follows him to her boyfriend's house to try to prevent the slaughter by telling him they're going to get married. Her father will hear none of it. He aims and takes fire just as she jumps in front of her beloved--she takes the bullet instead--she dies in his arms. All the while singing the chorus in her horrible squeaky voice. The only song that actually makes you want to stand up and cheer when the "heroine" dies!

"Run Joey Run" by David Geddes--one of the WORST...SONGS...EVER!!!!!!!

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"Honey", "Watching Scotty Grow" and "Havin My Baby" are three of my favorite songs ..and I love the lyrics to each! And I love a bunch of other songs listed here as "worst ever"...

My additions to the list:

"Longtime", Boston...bored me to tears from first listen

"Journey's Greatest Hits"...I just never liked this band's sound or song selection..

"Start Me Up", Rolling Stones..boring at best

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..and though I'm a huge RUSH fan, they lost me a bit after "Hemispheres", and I also never liked "Tom Sawyer" and several other songs from that time period...ironically the period when they started getting known by the masses..

They are a group that when they're good...they're phenomenal. But when they're bad...they can put out a song that will bore you with the best of them.

But based on their first 6 albums, "Spirit Of Radio" and a few other scattered songs after, and their live shows in the 70s, they're still up there as one of my favorites!

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