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EC/Raspberries songs that you have "lived"


Gregkevinw

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Funny, this weekend I was thinking of this very topic! I have a lot of time to think and listen to this great music on my 3 hour commute to my fiance's place every weekend. Last Friday, I was thinking how much "The Way We Used to Be" and "Never Gonna Fall in Love Again" used to dissolve me to tears. Boy, things have certainly changed!

I agree with the post about "patience". Last December I made myself a bracelet that said that very word on it and I wore it every day. Whenever I would get discouraged and frustrated I would "snap" it against my wrist. Well, all that patience has finally paid off.

This weekend, I was listening to "Ecstacy" and thought, "wow! I'm FINALLY there!" Finally, after 44 years of being single, I have found pure ecstacy in my life! I'm thinking about having the DJ play it at our wedding dance (on April 2nd!!!). My darling fiance loves "I Can Hardly Believe You're Mine" and of course, we both are finding "I Was Born to Love You" to be very fitting for our situation.

So, count me in as a positive post and also know that I have been through my share of heartache and misery.

---Julie

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Courage has little to do with it, Michelle, I've fallen apart over this more times than I care to count. I was just not willing to hand her "my" life on a silver platter. I fought for my marriage with everything I had, and sometimes I was a blazing bitch in the process, I'm not proud of that. But in the end, I followed the old addage, "if you love something, set it free"... when I gave him the freedom he claimed he wanted, suddenly he wasn't so sure he wanted it.

Our life is like a new surgery now, it's healing, but just the slightest poke can open the wound. I try to take it a day at a time, and look forward more than I look back. I try to think of him as "my son's father" rather than "my cheating husband". I try to see the positive. Some days it's easier than others. wink

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I still applaud your courage to stick with someone who has put you through so much. I hope he knows what a great catch he has, and works daily to prove to you how that he's worthy of you. You deserve nothing less.

It makes you wonder about the women he was having the affair with. Did she know she was with a married man? If so, what's the attraction? That he's unavailable? That what they are doing is 'dangerous'? She must know that what they are doing could break up a family. Of course, he knows the same thing and still continues to do it anyway.

I hope that the New Year brings you a lot of love and respect from your husband. You're a very special woman, and if he can't see that, there are a lot of other people in the world who would.

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Well, I didn't elaborate on it too much, because I didn't want people to think I was venting my spleen here, or looking for sympathy, believe me, neither is true, I really am dealing with it, as I said, some days are easier than others. But to answer your questions, yes, she knew he was married right from the start. He put an ad on yahoo stating he was a married man looking for someone "local" in our area for a fling. He says he never intended for it to be anything but a sexual thing. But then she dumped a lot of her baggage on him and made him feel sorry for her. He then "fell in love with her". My opinion is, he felt guilty about what he'd done to BOTH of us, and he was "caught in the middle" of his own mess. She left her husband without telling my husband she was going to do that, gave up the house her parents left her when they died, and bought a new house out in the boonies. Then she *really* had my hubby by the short hairs, because if an inch of snow fell, she literally could not get up and down the mountain she lived on, if rain fell, she was flooded, she was "out in the sticks", and afraid she'd be robbed and/or raped in the middle of the night, and on and on and on. She made him feel guilty that he'd told her he loved her, then she assumed he was leaving me, left her hubby, gave him her parents house in the settlement, bought a new house she really couldn't afford, *and* was stuck out in the middle of nowhere alone. She pushed all his buttons every chance she got, and he played right into her hands. I might add the husband she walked out on is disabled, and in a wheel chair. When my hubby told her he wasn't leaving me, she went to a local amusement park, met a man on a park bench (no lie) and took him home... then invited him to move in with her! My hubby asked her if she was out of her mind doing something like that, and she said "I'm only sleeping with him so he'll help me pay my bills". In my book, there's a name for a woman who does that. But it all made my hubby feel sorry for her (as it was intended to), he fell hook, line, and sinker. And about a year ago, he began *really* verbally abusing me, it never got physical, but the things he said to me, and the names he called me, all the while standing up for this piece of trash whenever I said anything even remotely negative about her (and I never called her names or anything to him, I'd just tell him to wake up and realize this woman who claimed she loved him was sleeping with another man so he'd pay her mortgage, and stuff like that)... there's so much I could say, but that's the not so short version... but yes, they both knew what they were doing right from the start... and the night of our 32nd wedding anniversary, when she met him in a hotel here, she definitely knew it was our anniversary... cuz I told her it was

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Wow! And I thought that my life was a soap-opera! Why your husband didn't go out and hire a prostitute for the night, I'll never know. Too cheap to pay for one? Look at the price it's cost his family!

As for the othe woman - as my mom always says "you made your bed, now lie in it". It's not your husband's fault she left her disabled husband and bought a crappy house in the boonies. She made those decisions on her own, and unless she's mentally impaired, she's an adult and has to take reponsibility for her actions.

It's really too bad - you're the one person in this whole mess who's innocent and yet been hurt. They've made their decisions, and any pain that comes from it they have to live with.

I certainly hope that she's out of your lives now, and that your husband knows works daily on making your marriage a good one. He certainly has a lot of work to do to make things right.

Plus, and I'm sure you know this, if that floozy is sleeping with any old guy to get her bills paid, make sure your husband gets tested for VD! You don't want to make things even worse by catching something.

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The chorus to "Cindy In The Wind" eats me alive. Many years ago, I lost an infant daughter due to a heart defect, and hearing that "now that your gone, I feel so empty inside" line always makes me think of her (as does Ringo's "Photograph"). Hearing that song, it hurts to cry about it, but it also makes me smile, if that makes any sense.

I've pretty much lived all of EC's or Raspberries songs, though, in one form or another. It's amazing how much.

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Julia the road back is going to seem long but I hope the 2 of you can make it. Anyone with your determination and fight has the energy a marriage needs that's been broken. I only hope your husband has half of what you have for you both to succeed.

I used to tell my kids that our life can change very quickly just by meeting someone, sometimes for the better, but sometimes not to our benefit at all but we can't see it at the time at all. My son met a girl when he was young and greatly altered his plans for his future, just like that. He thought he was lucky and I wanted to twist off her head or his, depending. Now I look back at it and think it was one of life's lessons, a tough one though like yours Julie.

June

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i had no idea when i started this thread the depth of stories that would be shared.

some of these emails had to be very difficult to write...

blackhawkpat/juliad thank you for putting my "tiny" problems in perspective by sharing such intimate stories about yourselfs.

on a previous page, someone asked if jokes are allowed on this post....to me, music and humor are what sustain us during rough times.

when my father passed away, it was my families sense of humor that helped us through that time.

my father had a great sense of humor...i'm sure he appreciated our "coping".

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greg, I sometimes worried that I might have gone too far in my replies on this thread, there's a delicate balance between sharing your experiences with others, and "whining". I didn't want to come off as someone crying "pity me, my life sucks more than yours" (not yours personally, people in general). But seeing the early posts by Dave et all helped me to realize I wasn't the only one going thru stuff like this, and I just felt like telling what happened to me last year. Things now are wayyyyyyy better than a year ago, but we've still got a long road ahead. It wasn't so much that he cheated, believe it or not, it was the things he *said* to me, the verbal abuse and the seemingly thanklessness for all I'd done to help my family out over the years. He forgot all the good things I did, and concentrated on stuff he didn't like about me, like the fact I have chronic vertigo. The vertigo makes me a little more dependant on him than he'd like it to, he wants a wife who can go places and do things alone, with no help. Sometimes I can do that, sometimes I can't. Dizzy spells are hard to cope with sometimes, you get really ill. So when he was pissed at me (which was all the time), he'd say things like "you're like a little baby, I have to take you by the hand and take you shopping (or whatever) because you can't do it alone"... and it hurt that he'd use my illness against me. And when my mom was dying, he refused to go see her in the hospital, and she was damn good to him, plus, in my opinion, the mere fact she was his sons grandmother should have prompted him to go out of respect. I told him "she really is dying, you should go", and he said "I'm not going, because I'm not going to promise her on her deathbed that I'll take care of her little girl, because I have no intention of taking care of anybody but me". That's the kind of stuff I'm having a hard time getting past. But even if it is slow, it *is* moving forward. To borrow a quote from Cast Away, "tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide will bring?"

Hang in there smile

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oh, it sure does. The vertigo used to be a lot worse, I used to get several attacks a month. Now I get 2 or 3 a year. But I try to be careful not to bring one on, so when I dance, even with the theatre group or onstage myself, I make sure it's choreographed so there's not a lot of spinning in circles, not a lot of leaning backwards with my head toward the floor, etc. I do have to be careful.

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blackhawkpat, So very sorry about your little daughter. I can imagine how that line in Cindy makes you feel. But I can also imagine the smile too...because you *did* have her, and loved her and she loved you. And that makes it possible to live through anything else. The universality of emotions is what EC and Raspberries music is all about. I understand what you mean perfectly. It's the "sweet" in "bittersweet." It's sad but true that without the bitter, we wouldn't be able to savor the sweet nearly as much. All EC and Razz music has the "smile" on the other side of the tears. That's what does it for *me.*

smile --Darlene

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