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Posts posted by Julie

  1. Ah, the Mexican food was indeed delightful tonight! Muzza & Kiwi caught me just as I was heading in. I enjoyed 2 banana daiquiries! Yum!

    Billy--interesting that you've been to Council Bluffs. I only lived about 40 miles from there before I got married.

    How's the job hunting going, Chris?


  2. Hi Everyone,

    Thank you all so much! Keep it comin'! It does help--more than you all probably even realize!

    Former employer still fighting me on unemployment, but it's in God's hands.

    Applied for a couple of jobs yesterday. The one would actually be something I'd be good at, but only pays $8 per hour! Geez--I could get that at McDonald's and get fries to boot! Lol!

    Just got home from my weekly session with my councelor and that always makes me feel better. I am blessed indeed to be surrounded by good folks!



  3. Oh, and Annie--I'm doing TONS of volunteer work! I do 3 days a week at the Senior Center, volunteer for the Welcome/Visitors Center, volunteer for the Chamber of Commerce, help out with a youth group at church, do computer work for an older couple at my church and I'm taking care of a neighbor's yard, kitties and plants until the end of September. (it takes 4 hours to mow the lawn with a rider! Big yard!)


  4. Mornin' All,

    Yesterday didn't turn out too bad. I have lost my voice because I did a big ol' honkin' frustration scream the other day. It felt good, but don't know if I'll ever get my voice back!

    I dropped off papers at the lawyers yesterday. I meet with him Monday morning. Went to the unemployment office and found out if she wins the appeal I have to pay all the money back. Does that totally suck or what?! Why the heck do they give it to you if there is a chance you'll have to pay it back! It's already gone! Geez!

    I made the bed this morning and went out and watered my flowers. Wish I could get my energy back.

    It's not a terrible day though. I do have much to be thankful for. I am fortunate that I have such wonderful support!



    PS--moving is not an option. I wouldn't know what to do in an urban area! Lol! Besides, I live here rent-free! That is something to really be happy about!

  5. Thanks guys! This is what I need. Keep it comin'!

    I am going to grief counciling--a new group just started in town--however--it is just once a month. I am having some regular counciling as well. I am currently off all meds, except I have some Xanax for anxiety attacks. I try not to take it. The other meds were just making me want to die and frankly, after 3 horrific experiences with meds, I was terrified to try anything else. My doc agrees that I am in much better control sans meds. I had 1 Xanax yesterday and really only need them on average once a week.

    I was on a national radio Christian talk show several weeks ago--Intentional Living with Dr. Randy Carlson. Unfortunately, I was the last caller of the day and he zeroed in on the meds and didn't really give me an opportunity to talk about what I wanted to. Kirk--New Life Live does sound familiar to me--I will check into it later today.

    A lot of my issues are situational. I live in a very rural area with limited resources. Thank God for the internet!

    I am looking into schooling. I will probably do an on-line Excel class offered by our community college.

    Grief is an unwelcome monster. It robs you of your energy and your ability to think clearly and rationally. It slithers around in your life just waiting to pop around the corner and give you a "jolt". It hides sometimes and makes you think it is going away only to re-enter your life with more fury then you thought possible. Your friends and family who have not experienced it have no idea what you are going through, and you pray every day that they never have to live through it. You wouldn't wish the unwelcome grief monster on your fiercest enemy.

    I have gotten through the last five months with prayer, keeping busy, doing volunteer work, reading books, visiting grief websites, visiting family, going to the cemetery, thinking about happy times. I know James is in heaven and I know he is happy and content. That is a huge comfort to me.

    Well, I need to get moving. I have to take some papers to the lawyers office for my unemployment hearing. (Thankfully, I have the best lawyer in town!) I won the first round easily, so don't really know why I am worried about round 2--other than it is "in-person".

    I'll check in later. I know I am going to need support and reassurance.

    Love and Blessings,


  6. Oh guys, my life just soooooo sucks right now. I always try to maintain a happy and positive outlook, but it's just getting harder and harder. I know there are people in this world that are much worse off than me. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. I know that things eventually have to turn around, but, man oh man, things are really sucky right now.

    As many of you know, my darling husband passed away unexpectedly 5 months ago. Six weeks later, my sweet brother-in-law followed him after a courageous 10 year battle with ALS. His funeral was held on my husband's birthday.

    Since then, both of my parents have been in the hospital and they are just getting older and more fragile.

    I got on some meds for depression after my husband died. The first one made me eat and cry and the second one made me eat, be crazy and want to die. The 3rd one made me so dizzy I couldn't function. I got fired from a job I loved. Now, my boss is fighting me for my unemployment. I won the first battle, but now she is appealing it and wants an "in-person" hearing. I am going to have to hire a lawyer at my own expence. (keep in mind that my husband was the bread winner making over twice what I do) Now I don't have a job and had to find my own health insurance. Thankfully, my husband did leave me a little insurance money, but it's really not that much and I'm having to live on it now.

    I am blessed to have some wonderful friends from church and an awesome pastor. I love my family. I have 2 adorable kitties.

    Oh how I miss my dear husband. He was my very dearest friend, my lover, my confidant, my closest companion in everything. I waited 45 years to meet him. I had lived with my mom and dad before I met him.

    I'm so lonely and so sad. I wish I could just grieve over the loss of my darling James, but I have to spend endless time looking for another job and fighting to get unemployment, health insurance, plus I have to learn how to live on this farm all by myself. I don't know how to do a lot of stuff. I have to figure it out. I hate bugs and the farm is crawling with crickets this year. I know I'm just whining and having a big ol' pity party.

    I am so jealous of everyone on here that has a "normal" life. I don't know if I'll ever feel "normal" again. I don't know how to manage money or the farm. I suck at paying the bills. I don't have the energy to do laundry, clean the house or do anything enjoyable.

    I can no longer listen to Eric's music--it just makes me cry. We adored "I Was Born to Love You" and played it at our wedding dance. We danced to it this past Valentine's Day.

    I met my sweet man 4 years ago yesterday. I just miss him so much. He was an incredible man who had overcome so much in his life. He was in prison from May of 1996 until August of 2003. He didn't see his children for years and years. But, he overcame all of his drug addictions and his worldly ways and accepted Christ in his life. He truely changed and he would hate to see me like this.

    It does not honor his memory or his legacy for me to be like this right now. I just need encouragement so badly right now. I need to have some kind of sign that things will get better. Guess I need some of Darlene's magic lemonade. I hate that I am like this right now. It is not the person I was or the person I want to be. I know I am in a horrible transition.

    Please, cheer me up. Slap me, kick me, tickle me, whatever. I just need to get out of this place I'm in.

    Thanks for letting me vent.



  7. Networking is a good part of why I'm doing so much volunteer work right now. It's a small town and folks know my situation. I know the right thing will come along at the right time. Right now, I'm using this time to collect myself and put my life back together.

    The volunteer work is a win-win thing for everyone. It makes me feel good to help someone out and it makes me feel needed and it really helps them out too.



  8. Thanks R4Ever--I was starting to feel left out.

    I had my unemployment fact-finding interview yesterday. Even though my boss fired me, she is trying to say I abandoned my job. I sooooo do not need this added stress right now. Won't know the decision for a few days.

    I don't know what kind of job I'm going to be able to find here--not much available around here and I don't want to move on top of everything else. For now, the volunteer work is fulfilling for me--even if it doesn't pay the bills.

    Sorry everyone--I just have a lot on my plate right now. crying

    Blessings all,


  9. Hey Chris,

    Do hang in there. I know where you're coming from--I got fired last month from a job I love. Lost my husband 4 1/2 months ago and my brother-in-law--so, I really do know that life can be a huge challenge at times.

    I figure, God must have a very special plan for me. He's really been working on molding me. I feel like I've kind of turned a corner this week.

    I have been doing volunteer work this last month. I work at the Chamber of Commmerce/Welcome Center for our town and I also help out at our Senior Center's lunch program. I am also going to be going to a couple of nearby nursing homes to entertain. I've sent cards to people in church who have been really helpful to me also. For me, all of these things are keeping me out in the public and who knows, maybe a job will come from it.

    Try to stay positive. I know it can be a real challenge at times.

    Praying for you!



  10. Chris,

    Prayers are being said for your "Rascal".

    Gosh, if I didn't have my 2 kitties right now, I couldn't make it. They truly are my reason for getting on with life right now.

    Hope things improve on the marriage front as well. Having lost my darling husband who I loved so dearly and was my very bestest friend in the whole wide world, makes me want everyone to experience a marriage like that. AIt breaks my heart to see marriages suffer.

    Hang in there--you're in my prayers!


  11. How 'bout having it on a farm in Iowa? Lol! I could set up a stage on a flatbed trailer out in the yard. Iowa is centrally located. I don't have a job, so I've got plenty of time to work on it. I'm depressed as heck, so this might actually cheer me up and give me something to live for. There is a 6 mile long lake 1 mile from my house and a casino 5.5 miles away. I've got about 80 trees in my yard and a cornfield--therefore, wouldn't even have to rent porta-potties.......

    Just another thought to ponder. Don't know about a name though.......how about Wii?? Weekend in iowa?


  12. Oh my! I am just so touched by all the lovin' I'm feeling on this board! You are all such a blessing--so glad to be here.

    I love how you all are assuming my boss is a "he". It's a "SHE"--and, she just gave me the biggest raise they give a few weeks ago. I really don't want to go into a lot of detail about her work ethics (basically, she ain't got none) and I'm thinking that someone along the line she must have really been damaged to treat others this badly. Believe it or not, my last words to her were, "I'm praying for you and Jesus loves you!"

    Anyway, I know there has to be something better for me down the road. It doesn't seem like things could get too much worse!

    Just wish my husband was here to wrap his arms around me and tell me how much he loves and supports me. But, he's my angel now.

    Thank you all again. I am just so very touched.



  13. Well, I got fired this morning. That really sucks. I haven't had the best of days lately. My darling husband died 3 months ago, my sweet brother-in-law died 7 weeks ago, his wife, my close confidant in grief has gone to India until the end of August and now this.

    I am a very positive person in general. Losing my husband has had such a terrible impact on me. My boss totally does not "get" the whole grieving process.

    Anyway, could sure use some positive vibes, prayers, etc....

    Not wanting to move away--I am at "home" here now and settled and not ready for that kind of a change too.

    Anyone want to go and egg the boss's house tonight?? Lol!



  14. We have had our share of rain here where I live in North-west-central Iowa. There has been some flooding, but nothing like around Cedar Rapids. A lot of our fields are flooded and we've lost some of our crops.

    On another note, my parents live about 15 miles from the Little Sioux Boy Scout Camp. That has been just awful. I have lots of relatives who are on the volunteer rescue squad that were the first on the scene and they have been deeply affected by the tragic loss of life among the scouts, but just as deeply impressed by the wisdom, strong character and caring shown by the scouts toward each other.



  15. I've gained 21.5 pounds since the last time I posted on here. I just eat ice cream and other junk. Pathetic, huh?

    Way to go on losing all that though Kathy Lee--that truly is awesome. I bet you feel great and HT--it's great that you've been going to the gym.

    I did go and rejoin "Curves" today--didn't stay to work out though--came home and ate 3/4 pkg. of licorice and half a carton of ice cream for supper. Now we are in bad storm warnings. Another fun evening in Iowa.


  16. Thank you all so very much! Your compassion and caring is truly inspiring and heart-warming to me! I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful, support system in my life.

    My best friend (since we were 5!) and I went shopping last night. That was good. She is alone too. She lived with her dad and he passed away in November, so we're going through something similar.

    Some days are better than others--some moments are easier than others. I do have some good news--fabulous news!!! My oldest step-daughter just found out she is going to have a baby! She is due December 12 (her dad died March 12--9 months!) This is something to really look forward too! I am so thankful that my 3 girls and I have such a good relationship! We really need each other now!

    Again, I thank you all--words cannot say how much I appreciate all of you. Such touching and moving thoughts.

    Love and Blessings,


  17. Dear friends,

    I can't begin to tell you all how hard the last several weeks have been. The reality of losing my darling, precious husband just really, really sucks.

    I waited so long for him to come into my life and we had such a beautiful life together--full of passion, friendship, laughter, and so much love. He died 3 weeks before our 3rd anniversary. His birthday was yesterday. He would have been 46. Wow, that is just way too young.

    My wonderful brother-in-law passed away last Saturday. He was only 52 and had been battling ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease) for the past 10 years. His wake was held on his Bday--April 29 and the funeral was on my husbands Bday--April 30. Certainly not the way any of us wanted to celebrate their birthdays.

    Now, I am at my mom and dad's so I can attend the funeral of my 1st cousin who also died last Saturday. He was 60. When it rains, it pours.

    I'm trying so hard to remain positive and upbeat, yet everyday seems to bring pain. I have such beautiful memories, but they just make me sad. We did everything together, so now I am just so incredibly lonely.

    I know he's in Heaven and that is such a comfort. I am relieved that he did not suffer. I'm jealous because I am stuck here on earth without him. Guess I'm really having a pity party tonight.

    I guess none of us is ever really ready to say goodbye to those we love. I don't have any regrets--other than our time here together was too short. We spent our last evening together cuddling on the couch and expressing our deep love and affection to each other. I told him how much I respected and cherished him and he told me all the sweet things that a wife wants to hear. I just miss him so much.......

    I do thank my dear friends who sent me words and expressions of sympathy and prayers. It really meant a lot. It touched my heart deeply.

    My husband died of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy--it's "sudden death"--like athletes get. I am thankful that he did not suffer for 10 years like my dear brother-in-law did. I am so thankful for my wonderful family and my 3 beautiful step daughters.



  18. Julia--so glad you went! I found it incredibly touching to have old friends come to my husband's service--people I had never met. I was so glad that they did--it spoke volumes about them and their relationships. Bless you!


  19. Hi Everyone,

    Thought I better drop in and leave a line or two. I'm hanging in there. It's been really hard. I went back to work a couple of weeks ago. It's hard to concentrate a lot of the time, but it's best to keep busy.

    So thankful for friends and family. I can't even begin to tell you how much.

    Thank you for your prayers,



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