Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 1 APRIL NEWSLETTER We start out with a real SHOCKER this month...As you all probably know, our own RASPBERNIE was the creator of the famous "GOT MILK" ad campaign...And it has always bothered him to read offshoots of this slogan everywhere he goes...Whether its on the back of a bumper sticker or spray painted on the side of a building, the usage has always bothered him...Reading anything from "Got Diarreah" to "Got Change For A Buck", Bernie has never gotten one extra dime in royalties...Needless to say, he feels that he "Got Milked" and "Got Screwed" by all this and he has made a decision..He has "Got Even" with his advertising firm and started his own company...And his 1st order of business is to start a new campaign to hammer away at the old one...He has decided to create a new superhero... LACTOSE INTOLERANCE MAN starring none other than our own Tommy Tunes ...So far, there have only been two major points of dispute...Tommy does not want to change his name to " Tofu Tunes"...and TT wants to be shown in his grass skirt with the caption “Got Leid”...We'll let you know how this turns out next month...Stay Tuned" If any of you are wondering where Wendy has been, I'll try to explain...Wendy and I are now related through marriage...You see, Wendy has been complaining about her sore knees for many years...(I guesss she was on them quite a bit when she was younger, (probably praying for Ian to marry her)...Well, the Easter Bunny has made a early visit to the OC...Wendy has gotten 2 very new knees...It seems that my wife, Lewisa, who had’nt been on them through 31 years of marriage, has given her joints to Wendy...Therefore, Wendy and I are now related through marriage...Wendy will be up and around in no time...As for Lewisa, she wont be able to walk anymore, but what's the difference?...I've carried her the whole time... On a personal note, I have a dilemna...Everytime I see a New Jersey area code pop up on my caller ID, it could be Tunes or my son who lives in Newark...Lady or the Tiger... What do I do?..I hate talking to TT....Answer it?...Ignore it?...Give my kid up for adoption?...Any ideas would be greatly aappreciated... P.S....Late breaking news...Capital Records will rerun a politically correct 2019 version of the 1970’s contest to pick the “foxiest Raspberry”...The new greatest hits package will reveal that the shortest Raspberry will indeed be announced as rock ‘n rolls first” gay midget”...The announcement will officially come out as soon as the gay member comes out of the cupboard... P.S....April Fools... 2 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kirk Report post Posted April 1 April Fools, huh? When do we get the real newsletter... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 1 Dear Kirk...I am glad you subjugated your poetic dissertation elite status back to James as your newest poem has ensconced you to writing for Bazooka Joe... 36 minutes ago, Kirk said: April Fools, huh? When do we get the real newsletter... “Huh” and “newsletter” do not rhyme...There is no iambic pentameter that you previously spoke of...Incorrect punctuation at the very end(a question should be followed by a question mark)...It is riddled with incongruent inconsistencies... With the price of gas these days, I, fortunately, will not be taking this poetic “schlock” to Dr. Net’s apartment...You will save me a few dollars...I guess it was just beginners luck on your previous piece or Dr. Net may have been correct in assuming that “Kirk” was a nom de plume for James... It makes me yearn for one more new James masterpiece about flatulence... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kirk Report post Posted April 1 Hey, I was just throwing you a bone because nobody had yet commented on your April Newsletter...some thanks 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 1 A true artist(or newsletter writer) does not do it for the glory...It is the inner glow that drives us forward(and about 20 responses would be cool too)... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kirk Report post Posted April 4 It comes with great sadness that I announce the demise of Lew’s April Newsletter. Without mentioning any names, some LEWser said his piece wasn’t worth reading- even on the LEW. I told the LEWser that was LEWdicrous, to which the offending party insisted it was LEWd conduct. I was pretty sure the accuser had some kind of LEWy body thing going on waving their arms in protest. When I protested that LEWke proclaimed himself to be in the Good Book, this person bLEW up! I insisted there were a sLEW of references to LEWke, but to no avail. Obviously they had no cLEW. I changed tactics and tried to make an argument for a LEWs association with LEWis and Clark, but it fell on deaf ears. Maybe next month, Lew… 2 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 5 What’s so funny Bern.? Kirk is trying to Lewmiliate me... 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Raspbernie Report post Posted April 6 Not sure what you're alLEWding to. Bernie 2 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Benfer Report post Posted April 7 Not to appear aLEWf, but it seems you guys have become ungLEWed. Like jack in One fLEW Over the Cuckoo's Nest. 1 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 8 WARNING...I am about to ask Bernie to pass an EC.Com resoLEWtion to aboLEWsh those that are mocking me and my good name...Also, I am asking Bernie to pass LEWgislation to officiaLEWly alLEW me to change the title of my monthLEW newsletter to”LEWSLETTER...Since I am a paid employee, I feel that I should let Bernie make the final decision...As you can see, unLEWke you folks, I have respect for people’s names...I believe this will BENFERIT all of us... RespectfLEWly yours, Lew 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kirk Report post Posted April 8 Me thinks Lew is too LEWquacious... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 8 A “LEWkwarm response, at best, Kirk?..I ought to drive right to California and punch you in the face...Do you live anywhere near California College in Kirkley? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kirk Report post Posted April 8 I'm rooming with Tunesy at the moment...still want to come over? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 9 Is he making you wear that huLEW grass sKIRK? P.S....Kirk, Its tough to find ways to use your name in various words... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
James Report post Posted April 9 LEWking forward to an especially LEWney May LEWsletter. You see, our Lew LEWzes LEWBER LEWvels of talent, his talent is LEWdicrously under LEWtilized. In fact I'd go as far as saying his work is superior to any art you'd find in France's LEWvre Museum. Hold on a minute, Lewisa is nibbling my ear and whispering that she'd like to chime in. Lewisa: ....and don't forget Lew's most iLEWstrious moment....the time he arrived on the beach .......and single handedly caused a LEWnar eclipse! :-( TO BE CONTINUED 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kirk Report post Posted April 9 3 hours ago, Lew Bundles said: Is he making you wear that huLEW grass sKIRK? P.S....Kirk, Its tough to find ways to use your name in various words... Yep, stop Kirking around... 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 9 It’s even harder to figure out “James” rewrites... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 9 I think you guys are halLEWcinating... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
James Report post Posted April 10 The subject of Lew is LEWminous for sure, but for KIRKING out loud!!....it´s time to get back to discussing my favorite topic.........JAMES. 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lew Bundles Report post Posted April 10 James...I will never short circuit a diaLEWgue about Lew in favor returning the topic to James...You just don’t have the name that conjures up any reason to concentrate our efforts to make you feel better...Therefore, more Lew and less James... Now that I got that off my chest, it’s time to “turn in”...Got my slippers, bathrobe and my favorite pair of paJAMESas, kick back with a nice shot of JAMESeson and watch a little Telly... Let’s check out the movie channels, hmm...A Johnny Weissmuller festival entitled, “Me Tarzan, you JAMES...What the heck?...No way will I watch that... How about the A and E network...”JAMEStown, the first settlement”...oh dear...followed by JAMES JONES’...”Kool-Ade anyone? I guess no movies for me...How about some nice music from the different music channel?...Oh, a 60’s station...a Tommy JAMES CONCERT...CLICK, LET’s check out the 40’s station...The best of Harry JAMES”...argh!!! Let’s try some Broadway tunes...Oh good...I love LEWie Armstrong...”You coax the blues right out of the horn, JAMES,... you charm the husk right off of the corn, JAMES.... I gotta get away from thinking about James...I know...Maybe I’ll Go workout at the JAMESnasium...No, I’ll just read the Bible...Let’s see, I got one here...”The Bible, Saint JAMES edition... A last resort, I’ll just pop in an Elvis movie...No James references in those titles...TURN on my VCR and voila!!! Elvis Presley starring in , HAREM Scarum... Geez... 1 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
