Jump to content
Lew Bundles

A Letter From Lewisa

Recommended Posts

I received the following letter in my mail box today...

Dearest Lew...

I have made the biggest(actually, not that big) mistake of my life...When I left you for James, I was a fool...A young fool...When James pulled up in the van that day and asked me if I wanted to visit a land of fairies and elves and candy all around, I thought, "What the hell, I'm home from college for the week, let's go"...


Sure, the first year was FANTASTIC...Fresh, clean toenails to clip...Fetching Stella Atois instead of Schlitz Malt Liquor...


We would go to his private quarters, to make love in a room with a hot tub, wet bar- the entire room was encased in all glass...


That's when I started to realize that during sex, the thing that I was "feeling" and seeing in that room was in direct contrast to the way things were outside that room...I found out that the room was encased in a huge magifying glass...In real life, James was hung like a cashew, acorn, or shrimp...Mirrors all around that said “Things may appear larger than they seem”...


Things continued going downhill...Sex went from a robust once a month, to every post Ira made without a musical quote...


Sessions lasted 9 minutes, ; drinks, begging and clean-up included...


And then, he no longer invited me to be his partner...He said no one could top the King himself...That dreaded music would come on, throughout the house-"Torn Between Two Lovers " and he would stare at both of his hands and hold them to the sky with reverance...


Lew, could you ever forgive your dear Lewisa...I would like to come back...I promise to...Oh no, there's that dreaded song...I have to go sit in the theater and put on my 3-D glasses and get on my dartboard costume...


Love, Lewisa

  • Haha 2

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


<sigh> Lewisa, honey, we need to talk, sweetie! Maybe you should try playing just a teensy little bit hard to get?? Does Lew REALLY appreciate you??  Did James know just what a golden "catch" he had?  I have to wonder......

  • Like 4

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

"cashew, acorn or shrimp" ..

...:blush:......gosh, Lewisa said she´d never reveal our love secrets....:blush:.:blush:  :blush:.... ( I really hate  the internet sometimes  ).




  • Like 2
  • Haha 1

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, truth is I'm a little shocked that Lewisa has decided to return to Lew. I thought everything was good (hunky dory for those of you in the South)..... between Lewisa and me. The only thing I can think of that would have motivated her to leave was that I got a little mad at her the other day. 

You see I was in the James recliner chair, watching the game on tv, when Lewisa went to fetch me a beverage. She returned with the drink ok. But I had timed her with a stop watch  and she came in at 1.5 seconds over the maximum time allowed for beverage fetching. I mentioned this to her and she promised to practice on her fetching so this wouldn' t happen again. No biggy. Just normal relationship issues. But then as I sipped my beverage, Lewisa commenced to clipping James' ( that's me ) toe nails. Ok, nothing out of the ordinary here, but it's then that things did get a little hairy, and for good reason.

While clipping James' toe nails, Lewisa committed the blunder that would  wreak havoc on her mental state: Lewisa got in the way of the tv. She knows this is a major infraction, and so she became distraught. I was willing to forgive her but that didn't matter. You see, Lewisa, like all healthy females, finds it very difficult to live with the fact that she got in the way of James' tv viewing while he drinks a beverage and has his toe nails clipped.

So Lewisa was overcome with a wave of shame, and guilt. It was bad. She began crying, crying hard, threatening to punish herself, to do haarm to herself, ....she thought for a moment and decided to submit her person to water boarding punishment every day for 6 months straight so she could free herself from her sin.

She thought a little harder and realized that the 6 months of continuous water boarding would not be painful enough to exorcise these demons of shame she had taken on for faltering in her servicing of James' needs. I thought to myself, what could be more painful than 6 straight months of water boarding???

Then Lewisa provided me the answer. She brightened up and exclaimed: "I've go it James! There is only ONE punishment harsh enough to extirpate my shame. I will give up all wordly pleasure (James) and return to a life of unbearable sacrifice (Lew). 

So Lewisa packed her bags, taking with her a cashew so as never to forget James, and headed for Lew's .....................




  • Haha 3

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now