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Lew Bundles

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

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James   

Be careful Lew, I´m thinking you´ve never had a chick horny for you (until now).  They can be very dangerous if not satisfied. 

 

Take my word.  Remember, I´m James.

James

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James   

P.S.  ....I forgot about Marlene, she´s clearly eaten up with the hornies for you Lew.

 

PPS.....that classic post of yours from yesterday morning really needs its own thread.  The world needs to see that one!..

 

Ok, anyway,  if you need any advice on how to handle these potential Lew  stalkers (Birdy and Marlene), let me know.....  I¨ve got practice.  I can tell you now that I´m sure the first thing you will think of for full proof stalker repellant is to wear a Tony Cartmill mask.  It does make sense that this would work.  But trust me, when a chick has your smell, even wearing a Tony Cartmill mask will not turn them off to you. 

 

TO BE CONTINUED..

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AnneNR   

. . . "It just hit me, Birdy is horny for Lew!  That explains everything.  Gosh" . . .

 

Naaawww, James, ya got it all bassackwards ---- LEW is the gadfly who is stalking birdy !!

 

(Does this mean LEW has the "hots" for birdy !??? :wacko: :wacko: :wacko: --what a gawd awful thought !!)  ::yikes::

 

AnneNR

 

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AnneNR   

Be careful Lew, I´m thinking you´ve never had a chick horny for you (until now).  They can be very dangerous if not satisfied. 

 

Take my word.  Remember, I´m James.

James

 

Wait a minute, wait a minute James . . .  "you´ve never had a chick horny for you (until now)"  Is this your way of saying Lew and Mr. Tunes are an ITEM ??  Is that why Lew put up the avatar with them in grass skirts -- hugging each other??? :o  :blink:

 

AnneNR

 

:P :P :P

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marlene   

P.S.  ....I forgot about Marlene, she´s clearly eaten up with the hornies for you Lew.

 

 

 

Oh....clearly !   :wub:  :lol:

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marlene   

MARLENE..You better think twice about that....I will post the picture of you sitting on my lap...Is that what you want?

 

If I recall, Lew, dear....the person sitting on your lap was tall with hairy legs and a grass skirt......and although I was wearing a dress..and  I may not have been on my A game that evening.....I do shave my legs every day.   :)  So, maybe you SHOULD post that one so we can see exactly WHO was doing the "sitting". Hmmmm ??  :)   

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AnneNR   

If I recall, Lew, dear....the person sitting on your lap was tall with hairy legs and a grass skirt......and although I was wearing a dress..and  I may not have been on my A game that evening.....I do shave my legs every day.   :)  So, maybe you SHOULD post that one so we can see exactly WHO was doing the "sitting". Hmmmm ??  :)   

 

Uh ohh --- sounds like adult beverages were slurring some viewpoints (Hey, Marlene, if Lew mistook you for the one on his lap, has he got the "hots" for you?  and will this damage Mr. Tunes to find out he was thought to be you on Lew's lap?  Does this mean a jilted Mr. Tunes will never give Mr. Bundles a lap warmer again? )  It's beginning to sound like, in all this confusion, that Lew might be a bit of a "swinger". 

 

Confused ?  Maybe we won't be after the next installment of "One Lap To Give"  :P :P :P

 

AnneNR

 

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James   

P.S.  ....I forgot about Marlene, she´s clearly eaten up with the hornies for you Lew.

 

 

 

 

I knew it.  At least you have good taste Marlene.  Lew is handsome and funny,..and best of all, he is a fan of James. 

 

I´d only suggest you not be so obvious.  It´s NOT very lady-like.

 

:-)

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James   

ANNE NR: A few years back, I actively campaigned for the job and held a press conference upon my appointment...Bernie had given me the job, but rescinded the offer shortly thereafter:(the timing may not have been right)...Here is the transcript of that event...

QUESTION: Now that you have been appointed moderator, what changes can we look forward to?

LEW: We will try to make this as seamless a transition as possible...I have outlined some of the major changes:

 

#1-PAY TO POST...We will be instituting a "Pay To Post" mandate on the board...All the money collected will be used to fund transportation to future Raspberries reunion concerts...Any needy registered fans can apply for the grant...We will start the "PAY FOR POST" program on a trial basis with BIRDY, CAYENNE, ANNE NR, PAPERDOLL...(They are a natural starting point since they are the most frequent posters)...The charge will be 1 cent per letter and invoices will be sent out at the end of the month with checks to be made out to "Lew Bundles" within the next billing cycle.

 

#2-NEW TOPIC HEADINGS...We will create new thought provoking headings which are sure to stimulate discussion during Raspberriesless periods...(Topics, therefore will remain up for 30 years at a time)...Examples of topics...

 

A.) The American Indian-From Navajo to Patel.

B.) Driving through the Ahmish country with your lights off.

C.) Everybody "Wang Chunging" this evening?

#3-WAB attendance will be by invitation only...NO EXCEPTION...(While we appreciate Jim,Eric and the crew's participation, please, dont attend unless you are formally invited by me)..."NO INVITATION,NO PARTICIPATION"...(P.S....The name of the event will now be changed to "WEEKEND AT BUNDLES"...This gives us the ability to still sell the WAB memoribilia that BERNIE has slated for next years event)...

Other changes will not seem so obvious...For instance:

.

Everyone's second favorite singer will now be Desi Arnaz...

All posts must begin with the word "Crouton"...(You will not be charged for this)...

QUESTION: How about the new Cabinet members that you had alluded to in previous posts?

LEW: I'm glad you asked that,Bim...

All selections are on a 30 day, trial based, appointment basis...

Here are my appointees:

Sec.of Foreign Affairs-MARVIN...He wil keep track of all foreigners on the board and report to me when they are having affairs...Since Marvin is an alien, I believe he is the most qualified to monitor suspicious activity in our immigrant posters...So be it, Adventurine, wmvririezen or ,canadianchick ... BEWARE...Marvin will be watching you...(P.S....Kiwi and Muzza are married...They are immune unless they start to philander with another...)

Sec. of Secretaries...JAMES...By the way he has been able to ,suavely, take LEWISA away from me, I trust his judgement in hot women...Since I will need a Secretary, James will scour the board for the lady with the highest credentials to adorn Lew's lap and take dictation...(Sorry, girls, NO BEA ARTHUR types or any other Bea's (including Aunt Bee or Bea Benaderet) ...With those paramaters in mind, ladies, get your resumes into James as quickly as possible...(Mustaches are ok as long as they are neat and trimmed...And for any Chinese applicants, please, no pieces of cat from your last meal in your facial hair)...

Secretary of the Interior...Tony Cartmill...He will be in charge of ridding this kingdom of village idiots...I will give him a starter list of possible candidates and see how Tony justifies their idiocy or lack thereof...The initial list-

 

SAWALKER

SHELLEY

MARLENE

KIRK

Mind you, I am not claiming that any of these people are village idiots...I want to see Tony's grading method and will make the proper decision from there...This is strictly a trial list...

Court Jester...Tommy Tunes...Many of you do not know Tommy Tunes...We need him back here...Paul Mccartney once said that Jude could" take a sad song and make it better"...Well, TT(AS WE REFER TO HIM) can take any goofy situation and make it worse...Originally, I was going to hold the position of court jester, but upon studying his picture(TT is pictured in my avatar), I realized that he looked funnier than I did in the grass skirt...I promise, that if TT takes the position, we will re-shoot the photo wearing the traditional Court Jester outfit but only modernized, all tight, tight,  green spandex and bells.. then you will really see a couple  of "nuts"...

SPRITUAL ADVISOR...Muzza(obvious)

That about wraps up my preliminary findings...

I will be away from my computer for the next couple of weeks while I finish my move into the Sayreville complex...On that note, I'd like to thank Bernie for all that he has done for us here at EC.com and I'm sure that he will land on his feet somewhere...As soon as you find a new place to live Bern, let us know so we can get your honorary invitation to the next WAB mailed out to your new address...

Thanks everyone for your support, LEW 

 

 

Ok, the above is one of the most entertaining pieces ever written by anyone.  It should have had its own thread.  I´m bumping as a public service my fellow human beings.  :-)

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Shelley   

Ok, the above is one of the most entertaining pieces ever written by anyone.  It should have had its own thread.  I´m bumping as a public service my fellow human beings.  :-)

 

I second the motion....signed ~Shelley~ AKA ~Village Idiot~

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redd   

QUOTES:

"It just hit me, Birdy is horny for Lew! That explains everything. Gosh.

Marlene, now that it has been revealed that you are Lew´s lap sitting bimbo, be careful, jealous chicks (Birdy) can be very dangerous.

Damn it guys, where IS that DISlike button?

redd :)

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James   

My 2 cents:

It´s my belief that females are at their best when they are fetching beer for their men.  They´re not only at their best, but they´re at their happiest. Probably because they´re pretty good at beer fetching.  Though some still have to learn not to get in the way of the TV when they´re beer fetching.  But that´s really a whole other issue...

Anyway, to prove my general point here, I´ll tell you a story:  I´ve got a female friend who is big in NOW.  She told me a little secret and asked me not to tell, but I´m telling anyway.

She said..(listen up you guys)...that at their national conventions, when the TV cameras and journalists have left, ...she said the NOW girls then let their hair down, feel free to be their true selves,...and then blast the real NOW anthem, sung by The Who.  And guess what this NOW anthem is?

You guessed it,  it´s:   "Lew, Reign o´er me"...

 

It´s true.

Females may pretend to want to be independent, and strong,.. yada, yada, yada.....but down deep they all just wanna fetch beers for Lew.

The End.

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Shelley   

My 2 cents:

It´s my belief that females are at their best when they are fetching beer for their men.  They´re not only at their best, but they´re at their happiest. Probably because they´re pretty good at beer fetching.  Though some still have to learn not to get in the way of the TV when they´re beer fetching.  But that´s really a whole other issue...

Anyway, to prove my general point here, I´ll tell you a story:  I´ve got a female friend who is big in NOW.  She told me a little secret and asked me not to tell, but I´m telling anyway.

She said..(listen up you guys)...that at their national conventions, when the TV cameras and journalists have left, ...she said the NOW girls then let their hair down, feel free to be their true selves,...and then blast the real NOW anthem, sung by The Who.  And guess what this NOW anthem is?

You guessed it,  it´s:   "Lew, Reign o´er me"...

 

It´s true.

Females may pretend to want to be independent, and strong,.. yada, yada, yada.....but down deep they all just wanna fetch beers for Lew.

The End.

 

I am going to have to plead the fifth on this one too :o  (Lord please keep your hand over my mouth) ::yikes::

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