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Lew Bundles

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

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Recently, I celebrated a milestone birthday...And I have decided to leave a last will and testament:

 

 

 

    I, Lewis J. Bundles the 3rd, being of sound mind(?)-(shut up Anne NR) and sound body(???)-(shut up Lewisa) hereby bequeath the following ...

 

To Birdy-I leave my sense of humor..(.God knows she doesn't have one)...

 

To   Adventurine-My Berlitz...(No more confusion with American terminology like -Marijuana doesn't mean "Mary wanna")...

 

To Marvin-I leave my Eric Carmen fan club membership card...(Its the only way he'll get in)...

 

To Eric Carmen- I leave my Marvin fan club membership card...(Just in case he misplaced his own)......

 

To Angelina-I leave my grass skirt...(No one would look better in it)...

 

To Ira...I leave my excess gross tonnage...(He seems to have lost his)...

 

To AndieMae...I leave my wardrobe...(But, I have one special request...Try all the clothes on...Sleep in them...Jog in them...Take a shower with them on...Fry fish in them ...Afterwards, just return them to me..before I die...I want to be buried wearing the clothes...BUT, do not return the shoes...Instead, put them under your bed...I want to die with a smile on...

 

To James...I leave my GPS navigation system...(It seems, that originally, James had programmed his device to direct him to his new destination:....But, the GPS lady was so pissed off at him for turning down her harem request that she got the last laugh and dumped him in the country of Panama instead of Panama City Fla., where he really wanted to go..

 

CODICIL: To Bernie...I leave my common sense...This way he could make the wisest move of all and make me a moderator...

 

To all the newbies...My blistex...There must be an awful lot of chapped lips with all the ass-kissing that goes on....

:

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I do all this sucking up, and all I get is a stinkin' tube of Blistex TO SHARE?!?  :angry: 

Never gonna suck up again ...

Never gonna laugh at Lew

'Cause he forgot me in his will

And left me here to stew.

Cheryl

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AnneNR   

What the fetch ???   Just how crusty-dusty old are you, that you feel the need to make out a Last Will and Testament??!  Do you correspond with Methuselah ??  :huh: ( Does the grass skirt air out your dust ?)

 

DON'T DO IT, BERNIE, DON'T DO IT !!!  No one will be able to get a post in edgewise except for Lew if you make HIM a moderator --- he may just moderate you out as well !!!  :P :P :P

 

(P.S. --- One doesn't need blistex, or anything of the sort, if one DOESN'T kiss asses, so keep your skirt on, Lew!!!)

 

 

AnneNR

 

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ANNE NR: A few years back, I actively campaigned for the job and held a press conference upon my appointment...Bernie had given me the job, but rescinded the offer shortly thereafter:(the timing may not have been right)...Here is the transcript of that event...

QUESTION: Now that you have been appointed moderator, what changes can we look forward to?
LEW: We will try to make this as seamless a transition as possible...I have outlined some of the major changes:

 

#1-PAY TO POST...We will be instituting a "Pay To Post" mandate on the board...All the money collected will be used to fund transportation to future Raspberries reunion concerts...Any needy registered fans can apply for the grant...We will start the "PAY FOR POST" program on a trial basis with BIRDY, CAYENNE, ANNE NR, PAPERDOLL...(They are a natural starting point since they are the most frequent posters)...The charge will be 1 cent per letter and invoices will be sent out at the end of the month with checks to be made out to "Lew Bundles" within the next billing cycle.

 

#2-NEW TOPIC HEADINGS...We will create new thought provoking headings which are sure to stimulate discussion during Raspberriesless periods...(Topics, therefore will remain up for 30 years at a time)...Examples of topics...

 

A.) The American Indian-From Navajo to Patel.
B.) Driving through the Ahmish country with your lights off.
C.) Everybody "Wang Chunging" this evening?


#3-WAB attendance will be by invitation only...NO EXCEPTION...(While we appreciate Jim,Eric and the crew's participation, please, dont attend unless you are formally invited by me)..."NO INVITATION,NO PARTICIPATION"...(P.S....The name of the event will now be changed to "WEEKEND AT BUNDLES"...This gives us the ability to still sell the WAB memoribilia that BERNIE has slated for next years event)...

Other changes will not seem so obvious...For instance:

.
Everyone's second favorite singer will now be Desi Arnaz...
All posts must begin with the word "Crouton"...(You will not be charged for this).
..

QUESTION: How about the new Cabinet members that you had alluded to in previous posts?
LEW: I'm glad you asked that,Bim...
All selections are on a 30 day, trial based, appointment basis...

Here are my appointees:

Sec.of Foreign Affairs-MARVIN...He wil keep track of all foreigners on the board and report to me when they are having affairs...Since Marvin is an alien, I believe he is the most qualified to monitor suspicious activity in our immigrant posters...So be it, Adventurine, wmvririezen or ,canadianchick ... BEWARE...Marvin will be watching you...(P.S....Kiwi and Muzza are married...They are immune unless they start to philander with another...)

Sec. of Secretaries...JAMES...By the way he has been able to ,suavely, take LEWISA away from me, I trust his judgement in hot women...Since I will need a Secretary, James will scour the board for the lady with the highest credentials to adorn Lew's lap and take dictation...(Sorry, girls, NO BEA ARTHUR types or any other Bea's (including Aunt Bee or Bea Benaderet) ...With those paramaters in mind, ladies, get your resumes into James as quickly as possible...(Mustaches are ok as long as they are neat and trimmed...And for any Chinese applicants, please, no pieces of cat from your last meal in your facial hair)...

Secretary of the Interior...Tony Cartmill...He will be in charge of ridding this kingdom of village idiots...I will give him a starter list of possible candidates and see how Tony justifies their idiocy or lack thereof...The initial list-

 

SAWALKER

SHELLEY

MARLENE

KIRK

Mind you, I am not claiming that any of these people are village idiots...I want to see Tony's grading method and will make the proper decision from there...This is strictly a trial list...

Court Jester...Tommy Tunes...Many of you do not know Tommy Tunes...We need him back here...Paul Mccartney once said that Jude could" take a sad song and make it better"...Well, TT(AS WE REFER TO HIM) can take any goofy situation and make it worse...Originally, I was going to hold the position of court jester, but upon studying his picture(TT is pictured in my avatar), I realized that he looked funnier than I did in the grass skirt...I promise, that if TT takes the position, we will re-shoot the photo wearing the traditional Court Jester outfit but only modernized, all tight, tight,  green spandex and bells.. then you will really see a couple  of "nuts"...

SPRITUAL ADVISOR...Muzza(obvious)

That about wraps up my preliminary findings...

I will be away from my computer for the next couple of weeks while I finish my move into the Sayreville complex...On that note, I'd like to thank Bernie for all that he has done for us here at EC.com and I'm sure that he will land on his feet somewhere...As soon as you find a new place to live Bern, let us know so we can get your honorary invitation to the next WAB mailed out to your new address...

Thanks everyone for your support, LEW 

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James   

One of the best ever from Lew (and that´s saying a lot)....I was on the floor several times during my read thru of that one.

 

Great stuff Lew.

James

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Shelley   

YAY.. I'm a village idiot :insane:(I have been called much worst ;)  ) ..Lew you made my day,  it is an honor to be recognized by you, but please spell my name correctly :P ..I stand by what I said before..You are a piece of work ;)

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Kirk   

I'm on the same list as Marlene- I'm good!

 

BTW, Tony has excellent judgement...in music.

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A.) The American Indian-From Navajo to Patel.
B.) Driving through the Ahmish country with your lights off.
C.) Everybody "Wang Chunging" this evening?

 

:haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
 

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AnneNR   

ATTENTION ALL EC.com PERSONNEL, PREPARE FOR POTENTIAL INIMICAL TAKE-OVER

 

RED ALERT!  RED ALERT!  At your Posts as soon as possible, everyone! At DEFCON 3 AND RISING ---The need for DEFCON 1 is FAST APPROACHING . . . 

 

( DEFCONs are phased increases in combat readiness:

 

DEFCON 5 Normal peacetime readiness
DEFCON 4 Normal, increased intelligence and strengthened security measures
DEFCON 3 Increase in force readiness above normal readiness
DEFCON 2 Further Increase in force readiness, but less than maximum readiness
DEFCON 1 Maximum force readiness  )

 

THE PERPATRATOR’S MANIFESTO HAS BEEN DECODED BELOW --- DON’T BE FOOLED BY THE RHETORICS !!!

 

 

#1 -- Pay To Post --- Bernie probably realized that YOU are one of the most prolific posters (years ahead of me) and that if he tried to levy it against you as well, you’d not comply, and the biggest and most assured source of revenue would never materialize . . .  but you’d have acting authority to abuse.  He couldn’t trust you with that much power in addition to loss of revenue, so he had to reverse his decision after some consideration.

 

#2 – New Topic Headings --- Ha !  Try again, your topics are bogus:

 

     a. The American Indian – from Navajo to Patel

By definition, the pre-Columbian inhabitants of North and South America and their descendants are the American Indians.. Therefore, any Patels,(of which I have known many) hail from a different continent altogether

     b    Driving through the Ahmish country with your lights off

Yes, Virginia, there really is an Amish Mafia --- watch out!!  They don’t take kindly to dem English and their shinanigans.

     c.   Everybody “Wang Chunging†this evening?

Whether or not anyone is chunging their wang  in the evening or at any time is a private thing! T.M.I.

 

#3 – WAB attendance will be by invitation only --- BEWARE, THIS IS A TRAP!!  A sneaky Coup d’Etat (overthrow) with hostages (Jim, Eric and crew) by a devious despot bound and determined to depose the well-liked Raspbernie and take over EC.com !!  Demanding that everyone’s second favorite singer be Desi Arnaz shows he has ties to Communist Cuba!  And labeling all posts with crusty cubed bread bites is racist and demoralizing!

 

As for the cabinet member appointments, this guy is trying to run a puppet governing body, and trying to eliminate what he interprets as an “Idiocrasy†starting  with a few he may have been duped into coming forward to incriminate themselves unknowingly until it is too late --- who knows for certain??

 

As for the photo re-shoot, just a couple of “nuts†huh?  Sounds like two poster guys for “Neuters-R-Usâ€, which explains much.   Not enough Testosterone between ‘em to be prancing around in green spandex.  And all that tinkling going on (bells) is disturbing---trade in those grass skirts for some manly kilts, laddies.

 

Don’t let him do it, Bernie.  He’ll neuter you and have you prancing around in green tights before you know it!!  Sounds like we need posters in the trenches to combat this growing menace.  We NEED a good “Trench Undergroundâ€.  Just say “NO†to Croutons!!!  FFFrrrreeeeeeeedddddoooooommmmmm!!  ::yikes:: 

 

AnneNR

 

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marlene   

LOL....TUNESY, help !!  Please come back, we need you !   :lol:

(ps, Lew......I do have a few other pictures of you and TT in those lovely skirts from later on that evening..., when, you know, you

were doing the hula around Bernie's swimming pool.   :)   ::yikes:: )

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marlene   

I'm on the same list as Marlene- I'm good!

 

BTW, Tony has excellent judgement...in music.

 

Ditto, Kirk !  If I'm on a list with you, it's all good ! 

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:::pondering whether to spend this penny on a post or to bribe Marlene to upload pics:::

Oh, hey! Another penny! Now I can do both!

:::slides a penny each to Lew and Marlene before scampering off to search the sofa cushions for loose change.:::

CROUTON.

Cheryl

P.S. If Ancestry.com is to be believed, Lucille Ball was my great-grandmother's distant cousin. So Desi Arnaz is practically family. :)

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AnneNR   

HOLY  W.C. !!!

 

AAArrrgggghhhh!!!   It's happened!!!  It's happened!!!  S.arcastic A.narchy abounds !!!  HE'S SERVING UP KOOL-AIDE AND AS A RESULT SOME ARE ALREADY INTO THE "LEW".   They must be feeling flushed about now. . .

 

GOOD LORD, HELP US ALL!!!  :P :P :P

 

AnneNR

 

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AnneNR   

:::pondering whether to spend this penny on a post or to bribe Marlene to upload pics:::

Oh, hey! Another penny! Now I can do both!

:::slides a penny each to Lew and Marlene before scampering off to search the sofa cushions for loose change.:::

CROUTON.

Cheryl

P.S. If Ancestry.com is to be believed, Lucille Ball was my great-grandmother's distant cousin. So Desi Arnaz is practically family. :)

 

Keep diving under the available seating cushions Doll, Lew stated  "1 cent per LETTER".  If you're gonna pay the price, you've got a ways to go to be able to post past 2 letters in the alphabet.  :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

AnneNR

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Keep diving under the available seating cushions Doll, Lew stated  "1 cent per LETTER".  If you're gonna pay the price, you've got a ways to go to be able to post past 2 letters in the alphabet.  :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

AnneNR

 

CROUTON.

Are emoticons free?  :unsure: 

Cheryl

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Lew,

I am touched you called me out as a village idiot. I am with such an elite group of folks....Marlene, Shelly & Kirk. I am honored.

Sherrie â¤

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marlene   

Huh ? Think twice about WHAT, Lew ? You know your secrets are safe with me..... ;)

There are other pictures.....I was just sayin'. Do you honestly think I could be bribed ? I'm so wounded by that...

 

 

:lol:  :P

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James   

It just hit me, Birdy is horny for Lew!  That explains everything.  Gosh.

 

Marlene, now that it has been revealed that you are Lew´s lap sitting bimbo, be careful, jealous chicks (Birdy) can be very dangerous.

 

:ph34r:

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